need to evaluate my essay

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I have written an essay, and I need to have it evaluated.
 
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Some people prefer to attend live performances, while others prefer to stay home and watch those same events on TV.
 
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As for me, I don't want to have to deal with traffic. I don't want to pay for parking. I don't want to pay for tickets. And I don't want to pay the high prices they change for snacks. I'd rather stay at home and watch TV with my friends. And make my own snacks.
 
Is there any grammatically error in my essay? If yes, please determine them. Thanks.
 
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Are there any grammatical errors in my essay? If there are, please point them out.
 
What I have been doing is I have been rewriting your sentences so that they are phrased in idiomatic English.

I have also been making some suggestions for improvements.
 
Do not use phrases like "civil traffic" or "civil problems" that are not English phrases.

For "harsh sound" say "noise".
 
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I don't want to have to put up with traffic noise. I get enough of that on the way to work and back.
 
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