Do you mean it's correct without the comma?I don't like the splicing. Get rid of the comma and try punctuating differently.
What about now?No, I mean I don't like what you've done with the comma. I think you can connect the two clauses in better ways, perhaps with different punctuation, or by putting in an extra word, for example.
Don't ask us what is 'correct'. Ask us how you can make your writing better.
I do.Do you think that's better than your version with 'and'?
I do.
"But" adds an element of contrast, which gives the sentence more punch, I think.Can I ask why you think so? In what way is 'but' better than 'and'?
By the way, what prompted you to ask this question in the first place? What did you think might be up with your original?
Basically, all of the above. I'm passionate about the language and to be honest, I can't pick one of the objectives you mentioned as my ultimate.So what's your ultimate reason for writing all these sentences you ask us about? Are you trying to improve your writing? Or trying to develop a narrative style? Or trying to practise vocabulary and sentencing? Or is your main goal to be able to write in a narrative style indistinguishable from a native speaker, regardless of level?
I hadn't thought of using AI before. I'm not sure if I'm ready to trust ChatGPT over native-speaking English teachers.I'm trying to determine what kind of feedback you really need. If we know exactly what you want us to do, we can help you more easily.
If you want to check your writing for grammaticality and coherence, then I don't know why you don't ask ChatGPT instead. This is what it thinks of your original. Quoting:
"The sentence "Nicole was angry with her brother, more so with herself" is grammatically correct and effectively conveys that Nicole is experiencing anger towards both her brother and herself. The use of "more so" suggests that she is particularly upset with herself, perhaps feeling guilty or responsible for the situation. Overall, the sentence is well-constructed and effectively communicates the emotions of the characters."
Is that the kind of feedback you're looking for?
I'd use "as" instead of "but" here, and also it doesn't mean exactly the same as the original.Nicole was angry not so much with her brother but with herself.
I'd use a dash after "angry" there. Also, try: " Nicole was angry with her brother, but she was angrier with herself."How about:
Nicole was angry not so much with her brother but with herself.