[Grammar] oxygen density

[Ashiuhto]

Please help me correct the following paragraph. Thanks!

Comfortable sleeping environment. The temperature in the bedroom should not be too cold or hot, and it will be better if the lighting is adjusted to dimmest. If air ventilation is bad, it will reduce oxygen density and therefore influence our sleep.

 

[emsr2d2]

Please help me correct the following paragraph. Thanks!

Comfortable sleeping environment. The temperature in the bedroom should not be too cold or hot, and it will be better if the lighting is adjusted to dimmest. If air ventilation is bad, it will reduce oxygen density and therefore influence our sleep.

The first three words do not constitute a full sentence. We don't generally say that lighting is "adjusted to dimmest". Perhaps "... it is best if the lights are as dim as possible". You don't need to say "air ventilation", just "ventilation". Also, "oxygen density" sounds very scientific and rather unnatural.
Have another try.

 

[SoothingDave]

You should speak of "oxygen concentration," not "density."

 

[Ashiuhto]

Construct a comfortable sleeping environment. The temperature in the bedroom should not be too cold or hot, and it is best if the lights are as dim as possible. A stuffy room will reduce oxygen concentration and interrupt our sleep.

 

[tedtmc]

You are talking about the steps to be taken to provide a comfortable/condusive sleeping environment in a bedroom.

You can just say :

Provide proper ventilation to allow fresh air into the room.

rather than talking about 'oxygen concentration/stuffy room/sleep being interrupted.

You try to provide the environment, you don't contruct the environment.

not a teacher

 

[Ashiuhto]

I reworded the paragraph as written.

Provide a condusive sleeping environment in a bedroom. The temperature in the bedroom should not be too cold or hot, and it is best if the the lights are as dim as possible. In addition, provide proper ventilation to allow fresh air into the room.

 

[5jj]

Ashiuhto, you have been asked before to edit your posts to remove the formatting glitches. If you want people to help you, help them.