Past tense story told in the present form

[B45]

I have trouble telling stories:

When I first moved to the US, I didn't know any friends, so I tried very hard to meet as many people as possible, and one day I may/might have tried too hard. And this is what happened, I got back to my apartment and went in the elevator and standing there was this lady, so I decided to start a conversation with her, but she didn't reply and had this weird look on her face and stared me down like I was a weirdo. That was when I decided the best thing to do was to get off on the 2nd floor.

VS

Present tense:

And this is what happened, I get back to my apartment and go in the elevator and standing there is this lady, so I decide to start a conversation with her, but she doesn't reply and has this weird look on her face and stares me down like I am a weirdo. That's when I decide the best thing to do is to get off on the 2nd floor.

I hear people tell a past story in present tense form all the time, but why does it sound so weird when I do it?

 

[MikeNewYork]

It doesn't sound weird to me. A narrative in the historical present can be more vivid and interesting. But, it is difficult and consistency is important.
I would start it with "And this is what happens."

Also you should look at your punctuation in the posting. In spoken English it wouldn't matter, but in written form it does.

 

[Boris Tatarenko]

I think "I didn't know any friends" sounds strange. "I had no friends", "I didn't know anyone" sound better.
Am I right?

 

[MikeNewYork]

Yes. Also "I didn't have any friends".

 

[Raymott]

I'd consider "And this is what happened" to be part of the framing of the present tense narrative, and it should be in the past tense.
But the comma following it is wrong, and there are too many commas, and too few discrete sentences.

 

[B45]

I'd consider "And this is what happened" to be part of the framing of the present tense narrative, and it should be in the past tense.
But the comma following it is wrong, and there are too many commas, and too few discrete sentences.

Could you change the wording of it so that it's native or better?

 

[B45]

It doesn't sound weird to me. A narrative in the historical present can be more vivid and interesting. But, it is difficult and consistency is important.
I would start it with "And this is what happens."

Also you should look at your punctuation in the posting. In spoken English it wouldn't matter, but in written form it does.

I'm in the same boat as Boris here, I'm also trying to perfect my English for work and other various reasons. Would you consider the short story okay to a native's ear? Could you change it so that it's more smooth and flows better? Thank you!

And what about: and one day I may/might have tried too hard. Should I use may or might here?

 

[MikeNewYork]

I would rather that you tried to correct the punctuation and sentence structure yourself. You will not learn if I do it for you. As to your may/might choice, I need an entire sentence.

 

[B45]

I would rather that you tried to correct the punctuation and sentence structure yourself. You will not learn if I do it for you. As to your may/might choice, I need an entire sentence.

When I first moved to the US, I didn't know any friends, so I tried very hard to meet as many people as possible, and one day I may/might have tried a little too hard. This is what happened: I got back to my apartment and walked in the elevator, standing there was this lady, so I decided to start a conversation with her, for some reason she didn't reply but had this weird look on her face and stared me down like I was a weirdo. That was when I decided the best thing to do was to get off on the 2nd floor.

Is this better? I made a few corrections.

 

[MikeNewYork]

When I first moved to the US, I didn't have any friends, so I tried very hard to meet as many people as possible. One day I might have tried a little too hard. This is what happened. I got back to my apartment and walked into the elevator. Standing there was this lady, so I decided to start a conversation with her. For some reason she didn't reply but had this weird look on her face and stared me down like I was a weirdo. That was when I decided the best thing to do was to get off on the 2nd floor.

Is this better? I made a few corrections.

Yes, this is better. A sentence should be a complete thought. If you try to combine too many thoughts in one sentence it gets too complicated.

 

[Raymott]

When I first moved to the US, I didn't [STRIKE]know [/STRIKE] have any friends, so I tried very hard to meet as many people as possible. One day I [STRIKE]may/[/STRIKE] might have tried a little too hard. This is what happened: I got back to my apartment and walked into the elevator; standing there was this lady, so I decided to start a conversation with her. For some reason she didn't reply but had this weird look on her face and stared me down like I was a weirdo. That was when I decided the best thing to do was to get off on the 2nd floor.

Is this better? I made a few corrections.

Yes, it's better. You could also use the present tense after "This is what happened: ". You're still trying to join too many sentences into one. Let the reader take a breath every now and then.

 

[B45]

Yes, it's better. You could also use the present tense after "This is what happened: ". You're still trying to join too many sentences into one. Let the reader take a breath every now and then.

If I use the present tense to tell the story, do all of the verbs have to be in the present form as well?

 

[MikeNewYork]

Yes. And if the narrative is in the present tense, I still believe the introduction should be in the present tense. Raymott does not.

In your question, the verb should be "do" not "does".