People isolate themselves in their rooms with their cellphones

[mrmvp]

Hello.

I am writing about the impact of social networking websites on individuals. I believe the overuse of possessive adjectives make the two sentences below sound awkward, aren't they? Should I omit them, if so, do they make the sentences ambiguous?

1. People isolate themselves in their rooms with their cellphones which might lead them to be introverted and lacking successful communication skills.
2. One is supposed to allocate his time for his family and friends.

 

[emsr2d2]

I am writing about the impact of social networking websites on individuals. I believe the overuse of possessive adjectives makes the two sentences below sound awkward. aren't they? Should I omit them? If so, do they make the sentences ambiguous?

1. People isolate themselves in their rooms with their cellphones which might lead them to be introverted and successful communication skills.
2. One is supposed to allocate his time for his family and friends.

If we do what you suggest, we'll get:

1. People isolate themselves in rooms with cellphones, which might lead ...
2. One is supposed to allocate time for to family and friends.

#2 is OK but I always find the use of "one" overly formal and old-fashioned. I'd say "People should allocate time to family and friends".
#1 doesn't really work, partly because it looks like "rooms with cellphones" is a description of the type of room people isolate themselves in. You need to keep at least one "their" - the one before "cellphones".

I think you've got a typo at the end of #1. How does it lead to them being introverted and [to having] successful communication skills?

 

[mrmvp]

If we do what you suggest, we'll get:

1. People isolate themselves in rooms with cellphones, which might lead ...
2. One is supposed to allocate time for to family and friends.

#2 is OK but I always find the use of "one" overly formal and old-fashioned. I'd say "People should allocate time to family and friends".
#1 doesn't really work, partly because it looks like "rooms with cellphones" is a description of the type of room people isolate themselves in. You need to keep at least one "their" - the one before "cellphones".

I think you've got a typo at the end of #1. How does it lead to them being introverted and [to having] successful communication skills?

I can't thank you enough. Thank you for your contribution and correction.

When writing a non-opinion essay, I should use "individuals", "people" and "one". Writing "people" over and over again makes the essay redundant which will reduce the mark.

Can I use pronoun like, their or he or she" although I find the latter a good way to pad words, but weaken the entire essay.

One is supposed to allocate time to family and friends.

With regard to sentence one, I have just added the word "lacking".

Thank you

 

[emsr2d2]

When writing a non-opinion essay, I should use "individuals", "people" and "one". Writing "people" over and over again makes the essay redundant which will reduce the mark.

What do you mean by "makes the essay redundant"? I don't think they disregard the entire essay when doing an overall mark for an exam.

Can I use pronouns like no comma here "their" or "he/she"? although I find the latter a good way to pad words, but it weakens the entire essay.

I'm not keen on "he/she" and "his/her" now that "they" and "their" are the accepted non-gendered terms.

One is supposed to allocate time to family and friends.

You've now got the right preposition. I still don't like "One" but it's not grammatically incorrect.

With regard to sentence one, I have just added the word "lacking".

That now makes sense.

Thank you.

 

[jutfrank]

In the first sentence, the two uses of their don't make anything sound awkward. There's no 'overuse' there. They should stay in, because if you take them out, you lose something quite important.