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please, check this paragraph

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Sep 20, 2008
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please, check these lines and give me better words and experssions


  • teamwork.doc
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Junior Member
Dec 26, 2009
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My dear,
Well, I think that the usage of "everyone" is not appropriate because it means " all people" while you may want to express "some people". Therefore, I think it should be " most of us"
Remember, u have to use " participate in", not only participate
[FONT=&quot]Our goal was to prepare a lesson that includes the four skills of English and present it to our classmates. [/FONT]
This sentence should be " Our task was to prepare a lesson including the four English skills then present it before whole class"
Remember! When u write an essay, u should avoid run-on mistake. Your writing should be concise :) Hence, u can shorten by using "including" instead of " that includes"
[FONT=&quot][/FONT] [FONT=&quot]So[/FONT][FONT=&quot], we sat together and put a plan showing everyone's role
Don't use "so" at the beginning of the sentence. You can replace by " therefore or hence". " And" may be "to"
"Advice" is a uncountable noun. You should write " a piece of advice".
[FONT=&quot]What distinguished our team that was every member[/FONT][FONT=&quot].You should omit "that".
[/FONT] [FONT=&quot][/FONT] [FONT=&quot]one skill of English [/FONT]-> a particular English skill.
[FONT=&quot]listening to English.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]-> listening skill
Well, u said that every member of your team was good at on skill of English but why u mentioned only speaking, listening, grammar. What about reading and writing?
[FONT=&quot]any of other groups[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]->of is unnecessary, i think so!

[FONT=&quot]through asking them[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]-> What is the function of "them"?
[FONT=&quot]to finish it[/FONT] -> "it" is unnecessary

[FONT=&quot]She admired the presentation[/FONT] -> Can u find another expression? " Admire" sound not good because she is your teacher
Well, if I have time, i may read your writing more carefully. I hope my knowledge can support u ;-)
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