please give me your opinions about my writing

[bdlaila]

Everyone of us has to discover his talents and so, set his goals. By doing this, our lives would have a taste and a meaning. In fact, when we have our objectives in front of our eyes, then we make clear our paths to our destiny and we do things in purpose. But, it happens that our goals couldn't be acheived in some circumstances. It happens that we fail some missions. Thus, our willpower is the only thing that can help us to make our dreams come true. We don't have to give up. We have to believe that things, even if they seem disastrous, are happening for good aim. Indeed, our feeling could be affected and we could feel some disapointement or failure. However, by keeping our dreams in our minds and trying again and again, we'll certainly accomplish our missions and feel happy.


Thanks

 

[teechar]

Everyone of us has to discover his/her talents and so, set his/her goals. By doing this, we give a sense of meaning/purpose to our lives. [STRIKE]would have a taste and a meaning.[/STRIKE] In fact, when we [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] know ourobjectives in life, [STRIKE]front of our eyes, then[/STRIKE] we make clear our paths to our destiny, and we do things [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] purposefully. But, it sometimes happens that our goals [STRIKE]couldn't[/STRIKE] can't be achieved. [STRIKE]in some circumstances.[/STRIKE] It happens that we fail on occasion. [STRIKE]some missions.[/STRIKE] Thus, our willpower is the only thing that can help us to make our dreams come true. We don't have to give up. We have to believe that things, even if they seem disastrous, are happening for a good reason. [STRIKE]aim.[/STRIKE] Indeed, our feelings [STRIKE]could[/STRIKE] can be affected and we could even feel some disappointment or a sense of failure. However, by keeping our dreams [STRIKE]in our minds[/STRIKE] alive and trying again and again, we'll certainly accomplish our [STRIKE]mission[/STRIKE] goals and feel happy.

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[emsr2d2]

Welcome to the forum. :hi:

When are you going to submit your essay to your teacher/tutor?

 

[tedmc]

Everyone of us has to discover his/her talents and so, set his/her goals.

I would prefer: All of us have to discover our talents and so, set our goals.

"His" was considered correct until people began to associate that with gender bias.