[Grammar] Please help answering a simple grammatical question....urgent!!

[pandapuma]

To whomever this may concern, there was a dispute today regarding a simple manner of speaking...I would like to know if I may have been incorrect of if my partner misspoke instead....please help us figure this out! I signed up for this website for this specific reason...

Basically I would like clarification regarding if you WANT someone to come back once they leave is it better to say "So you are NOT coming back then?" or "So ARE you coming back"....????

Personally I feel like the latter is more intentional on that you WANT the person to come back whereas the first is more uncaring....but I would like a professional opinion please!!

If more clarification is needed, this was the discussion:

My boyfriend and I were sitting at the dinner table and I mentioned I needed to head to my place to drop some things off and pick some up. We had made Easter plans together for Sunday but had no specific plans for Saturday, despite us being together every weekend.

So I mention to him I need to head home to which he replied: So your not coming back later then?

To which I said"....I suppose no...." And he then replies, "Why not?", with a particularly sad face.

I then tell him, "Well because it doesn't seem like you want me to haha"

He becomes shocked and confused so I tell him, I was mainly joking but for the future I asked him not to say "So your NOT coming back?" and instead say "So ARE you coming back?" Because the first makes it SEEM like you would rather not see me later, whereas the latter makes it feel more like you want me to.

He completely disagreed arguing that was not what he meant but we ended up getting into a small argument due to disagreeing on the grammatical correctness....so we just really wanted this clarified as I could find noting of the sort online.


Thank you very much in advance!!

 

[Yankee]

"So, you are not coming back?", would suggest that the discussion or a prior statement included an indication/understanding that the person was not returning. "So, are you coming back?", would imply that the speaker did not know whether the person was going to return.

 

[jutfrank]

What your boyfriend said was perfectly appropriate. He meant that he did want you to come back. He wanted some reassurance from you that you would return, since you hadn't made it clear.

So, yes, you were incorrect.

 

[GoesStation]

The context made it clear he was expressing regret at your plan.

 

[5jj]

1. Please don't label your posts 'urgent'. We unpaid volunteers who give up our free time to respond here do our best to respond to questions as soon as we can. We don't appreciate being pressured to give one member's question precedence over another's.

2.

I signed up for this website for this specific reason.

See point ((1) above. You have your reason(s) for asking your question. We have our reason(s) for responding in our own sweet time.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

To whomever this may concern, there was a dispute today regarding a simple manner of speaking. I would like to know if I may have been incorrect of if my partner misspoke instead. Please help us figure this out! I signed up for this website for this specific reason.

Basically I would like clarification regarding if you WANT someone to come back once they leave. Is it better to say "So you are NOT coming back then?" or "So ARE you coming back?"[STRIKE]....????[/STRIKE]

Personally I feel like the latter is more intentional in that you WANT the person to come back, whereas the first is more uncaring. But I would like a professional opinion please!

If more clarification is needed, this was the discussion:

My boyfriend and I were sitting at the dinner table and I mentioned I needed to head to my place to drop some things off and pick some up. We had made Easter plans together for Sunday but had no specific plans for Saturday, despite us being together every weekend.

So I mention to him I need to head home to which he replied: So you're not coming back later, then?

To which I said, "I suppose not." And he then replied, "Why not?", with a particularly sad face.

I then told him, "Well, because it doesn't seem like you want me to[STRIKE] haha[/STRIKE]," and laughed.

He became shocked and confused, so I told him[STRIKE],[/STRIKE] I was mainly joking, but for the future I asked him not to say "So you're NOT coming back?" and instead say "So ARE you coming back?" Because the first makes it SEEM like you would rather not see me later, whereas the latter makes it feel more like you want me to.

They both show that he cares whether you come back. The first expresses more disappointment, sadness, hurt.

He completely disagreed, arguing that was not what he meant. But we ended up getting into a small argument due to disagreeing on the grammar. So we just really wanted this clarified, as I could find nothing of the sort online.

Thank you very much[STRIKE] in advance[/STRIKE]!

Use just one period, exclamation point, or question mark at the end of each sentence.

 

[Tarheel]

Since it's the spoken word we're talking about, tone of voice should give you a good clue as to the other person's intent. Indeed, that might be the most important thing.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Since it's the spoken word we're talking about, tone of voice should give you a good clue as to the other person's intent. Indeed, that might be the most important thing.

Exactly. With the choice of two you've given us, the important thing is not what you say. It's how you say it.

BUT — if your native language were English, you would know this. You might want to correct your member information.