[Essay] Please help me check and polish my continuation writing.

[rodgers white]

As Amy Hagadorn rounded the corner across the hall from her classroom, she crashed with a tall boy from the fifth grade running in the opposite direction.
“Watch it, Squirt,” the boy yelled, as he dodged around the little third grader. Then, with an unfriendly smile on his face, the boy mimicked the way Amy limped when she walked. Amy tried to ignore his mean teasing. She felt deeply lonely, because there were full of other students teasing about her speech or her limping.
Back home at the dinner table that evening Amy was quiet. That’s why Patti Hagadorn was happy to have some exciting news to share with her daughter.
“There’s a Christmas Wish Contest on the radio station.” She announced. “Write a letter to Santa and you might win a prize. I think someone at this table with blond curly hair should enter.”
Amy giggled. The contest sounded like fun. She started thinking about what she wanted most for Christmas. While Amy worked away at her best printing, the rest of the family tried to guess what gifts she might ask from Santa. But Amy wasn’t ready to reveal her secret Christmas wish just then, Here is Amy’s letter to Santa, just as she wrote it that night:

Dear Santa Clause,
My name is Amy. I’m 9 years old. I have a problem at school. Can you help me, Santa? Kids laugh at me because of the way I walk and run and talk. I have cerebral palsy. I just want one day when no one laughs at me or makes fun of me.
Love,
Amy.

At radio station WJLT in Fort Wayne, Indiana, letters poured in for the Christmas Wish Contest. When Amy’s letter arrived, manager Lee Tobin read it carefully. He knew cerebral palsy was a muscle disorder that might confuse the schoolmates of Amy who didn’t understand her disability. He thought it would be good for the people in Fort Wayne to hear about this special third grader and her unusual wish. Mr. Tobin called up the local newspaper.

Your task is to do a continuation writing. The requirements are as follows:
I. The words limit should be around 150 words and no less than 130 words.
II. At least six underlined key words or expressions must be used and highlighted as well in your continuation writing.
III.Your continuation writing is divided into two paragraphs, whose first sentences have already been given.

Paragraph 1:
The next day, a picture of Amy and her letter to Santa made the front page of the News-Sentinel. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Paragraph 2:
During that unforgettable Christmas season, over two thousand people from all over the world sent Amy letters of friendship and support and Amy and her family read every single one.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The continuation writing is a kind of writing practice for my students. It requires that my students try to understand the whole passage fully first and then start to think about how to write the continuation part. It is quite difficult for them to design the plot in a logical way. My own version is as follows. It serves as a possible version for my students. I hope someone would be kind enough to help me check and polish it. Many thanks in advance.

The next day, a picture of Amy and her letter to Santa made the front page of the News-Sentinel. The story spread quickly. All across the country, newspapers and radio and television station reported the story of the little girl in Fort Wayne, who asked for such a simple, yet remarkable Christmas gift—just one day without teasing. Suddenly the postman was a regular at her house. Envelopes of all sizes addressed to Amy arrived daily from children and adults throughout the nation. They came filled with holiday greetings and words of encouragements.

During that unforgettable Christmas season, over two thousand people from all over the world sent Amy letters of friendship and support and Amy and her family read every single one. Some of the writers had disabilities. Some thanked Amy for being brave enough to speak up. Others encouraged her to ignore teasing and to carry her head high. Through these letters, Amy glimpsed a world full of people who truly cared about each other without feeling lonely any more. Amy did get her wish of a special day without teasing. Additionally, everyone at school leant a universal lesson that everyone wants and deserves to be treated with respect, dignity and warmth.


By the way, I just don’t understand this clause “While Amy worked away at her best printing” in paragraph 5. What’s your take?

 

[teechar]

Can you please cite the source of that text?

 

[rodgers white]

Can you please cite the source of that text?

No problem. It's in a reference book for Chinese students to prepare for their English examinations，which mainly include three styles of writing---practical writing, continuation writing and summary writing. The reference book is named " Five years' real exam papers and three years' mock exam papers".

 

[teechar]

The next day, a picture of Amy and her letter to Santa made the front page of the News-Sentinel. The story spread quickly. All across the country, newspapers and radio and television station reported the story of the little girl in Fort Wayne, who asked for such a simple, yet remarkable Christmas gift—just one day without teasing. [STRIKE]Suddenly the postman was a regular at her house.[/STRIKE] In no time, envelopes of all sizes, addressed to Amy, began arriving [STRIKE]ed daily[/STRIKE] from children and adults throughout the nation. They came filled with holiday greetings and words of encouragement.

During that unforgettable Christmas season, over two thousand people from all over the world sent Amy letters of friendship and support, and Amy and her family read every single one. Some of the writers had disabilities. Some thanked Amy for being brave enough to speak up. Others encouraged her to ignore the teasing and to [STRIKE]carry[/STRIKE] hold her head high. Through these letters, Amy glimpsed a world full of people who truly cared about each other without feeling lonely any more. Amy did get her wish of a special day without teasing. Additionally, everyone at school learnt a universal lesson that everyone wants and deserves to be treated with respect, dignity and warmth.

By the way, I just don’t understand this clause “While Amy worked away at her best printing” in paragraph 5. What’s your take?

It means while she was writing the letter in her best handwriting.

 

[rodgers white]

Thank you so much for your time. Again, can you please spare a few more minutes to have a look at my following thoughts:

The story spread quickly. All across the country, newspapers and radio and television station reported the story of the little girl in Fort Wayne, who asked for such a simple, yet remarkable Christmas gift—just one day without teasing.

When I was young, my English teacher always told me that it is the last thing to repeat words in a writing. So, there are two "story" in the sentence above. Maybe I can write " The news spread quickly." instead of "The story spread quickly." or just change "the story of the little girl" into " the news about the little girl". What do you think?

In no time, envelopes of all sizes, addressed to Amy, began arriving from children and adults throughout the nation.

Can I write like this "In no time, envelopes of all sizes, addressed to Amy, came pouring in from children and adults throughout the nation."?

Some of the writers had disabilities.Some thanked Amy for being brave enough to speak up. Others encouraged her to ignore the teasing and to hold her head high. Through these letters, Amy glimpsed a world full of people who truly cared about each other without feeling lonely any more.

I'd like rewrite the above in this way: "Some of the writers had disabilities and thanked Amy for being brave enough to speak up, while others encouraged her to ignore the teasing and to hold her head high. Through these letters, Amy glimpsed a world full of people who truly cared about each other and gradually she felt no more lonely." What's your stand?

 

[teechar]

Thank you so much for your time. Again, can you please spare a few more minutes to have a look at [STRIKE]my[/STRIKE] the following? [STRIKE]thoughts:[/STRIKE]

When I was young, my English teacher always told me that excessive repetition can indicate poor [STRIKE]it is the last thing to repeat words in a[/STRIKE] writing.

Yes, that can be the case, but I don't see that problem in the above.

So, there are two instances of "story" in the sentence above. Maybe I can write " The news spread quickly." instead of "The story spread quickly." or just change "the story of the little girl" into " the news about the little girl". What do you think?

Yes, you can do that. You can also use "it" to refer to the story, but you'd have to change the sentence.

Can I write like this "In no time, envelopes of all sizes, addressed to Amy, came pouring in from children and adults throughout the nation."? I'd like rewrite the above in this way: "Some of the writers had disabilities and thanked Amy for being brave enough to speak up, while others encouraged her to ignore the teasing and to hold her head high. Through these letters, Amy glimpsed a world full of people who truly cared about each other, and gradually she felt no more lonely." What do you think? [STRIKE]'s your stand?[/STRIKE]

That's okay.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

She didn't feel lonely anymore.

 

[rodgers white]

Say:

She didn't feel lonely anymore.

Thanks. That sounds better and more natural to me. By the way, is there any difference between " any more" and "anymore" here?
As far as I know, when spelled as two words, any more refers to quantities. When spelled as one word, anymore is an adverb that refers to time. It means "at present," "still," or "any longer." So, I think we should use "She didn't feel lonely anymore." instead of "She didn't feel lonely any more." What do you think?

 

[emsr2d2]

Tarheel already used "anymore". I'm not sure what you're querying. You appear to agree with his usage.

 

[Tarheel]

Finally, say:

newspapers and radio and television STATIONS.

 

[rodgers white]

Tarheel already used "anymore". I'm not sure what you're querying. You appear to agree with his usage.

Thank you for your conern. I'm just not 100% sure about this, so I want to make it contain.

 

[rodgers white]

Finally, say:

newspapers and radio and television STATIONS.

Thank you so much for your time. By the way, can we use "newspapers and radios and televisio stations" here?

 

[emsr2d2]

No. "Radios" is only used to refer to multiple devices. In "radio and television stations", what we're actually saying is "radio stations and television stations".

 

[rodgers white]

No. "Radios" is only used to refer to multiple devices. In "radio and television stations", what we're actually saying is "radio stations and television stations".

Got it. I really appreciate your patient explanation.