[Essay] Please help me reviewing on my essay for IELTS writing task 1

guan721

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Please click this https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B2onYGYF8R6OQW1WUWZnYWFVU1U to view the question.

The table show the changes in percentage of causes of stress in young executives group. Example of health problems induced by stress are listed.

the table clearly present work overload is the most decline cause of stress compare between year 1984 and 1900, from 57 percent to 89 percent. The cause of stress because of lack of power and influence decrease 12 percent from year 1984 to 1990. The most notable increases in percentage of cause of stress is work-related travel, 29 percent increase from 16 percent in year 1984, to 45 percent in year 1990. Interpersonal relations rise from 15 percent to 31 percent from year 1984 to 1990, as a cause of stress.

In addition, stress cause or exacerbated many health problems, which include muscular pain, heart disease, digestive problems, sleep problems, depression, obesity, autoimmune diseases and skin conditions, for example eczama.

Stress of work in young executives cause numbers of health problems, and it is apparent from the table work-related travel is becoming the most major cause of stress.
 

teechar

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The table shows the [STRIKE]changes in[/STRIKE] percentages [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] representing the causes of stress in young executives for the years 1984 and 1990. [STRIKE]group.[/STRIKE] Examples of health problems induced by stress are listed below the table.

The table clearly presents work overload is the most decline cause of stress compare between year 1984 and 1900, from 57 percent to 89 percent [I don't understand what that means, and you've got the numbers wrong!].
The [STRIKE]cause of stress because of[/STRIKE] lack of power and influence as a cause of stress decreased [STRIKE]12 percent[/STRIKE] substantially from 20% in [STRIKE]year[/STRIKE] 1984 to just 8% in 1990.

The most notable increases in percentage [STRIKE]of cause of stress is[/STRIKE] was for work-related travel as a cause of stress. It jumped by 29%, [STRIKE]percent increase[/STRIKE] from 16% [STRIKE]percent[/STRIKE] in [STRIKE]year[/STRIKE] 1984 to 45% percent in [STRIKE]year[/STRIKE] 1990. Interpersonal relations, which is yet another cause of stress at work, [STRIKE]rise[/STRIKE] rose from 15% [STRIKE]percent[/STRIKE] to 31% in that time period. [STRIKE]percent from year 1984 to 1990, as a cause of stress.[/STRIKE]

[STRIKE]In addition,[/STRIKE] It is important to note that stress causes or exacerbates many health problems, which include muscular pain, heart disease, digestive problems, sleep problems, depression, obesity, autoimmune diseases and skin conditions, for example, eczema.

[STRIKE]Stress of[/STRIKE] Work-related stress in young executives causes [STRIKE]numbers of[/STRIKE] various health problems, and it is apparent from the table that work-related travel is becoming [STRIKE]the most[/STRIKE] a major cause of stress.
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