[Grammar] Please read and evaluate

subhan

New member
Joined
Jun 12, 2017
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Urdu
Home Country
Palestinian Territory
Current Location
Pakistan
Respected members,

I am trying to improve my English writing skills. I am posting a summary that I have written, and the reading passage that I have summarized. You can either evaluate the summary in context of the reading passage or you can just evaluate the summary itself without reading the passage. Whatever is convenient to you :)

P.S. Please comment on the title of the summary as well if you are evaluating my writing as a summary of the reading passage.


Salvation in Laziness
The present world is indeed tumultuous. The problem lies in the people who lack clarity because they obsess about being productive and dread procrastination. The present world is shaped by our ancestors and for them, laziness was also a crime. We would have been in a better world if they had just taken the time for self-reflection. It is still possible to amend our problems, but present political and religious leaders are no different. All they need is to take a breath, and they will certainly spot the elephant in the room.


Reading Passage

All the evil in this world is brought about by persons whoare always up and doing, but do not know when they ought to be up and nor whatthey ought to be doing. The devil, I take it, is still the busiest creature inthe universe, and I can quite imagine him denouncing laziness and becomingangry at the smallest waste of time. In his kingdom, I will bet, nobody isallowed to do nothing, not even for a single afternoon. The world, we allfreely admit, is in a muddle, but I for one do not think that it is lazinessthat has brought it to such a pass. It is not the active virtues that it lacksbut the passive ones: it is capable of anything but kindness and a littlesteady thought. There is still plenty of energy in the world(there never weremore fussy people about), but most of it is simply misdirected. If ,forexample, in July 1914, when there was some capital idling weather, everybody--emperors, kings, archdukes, statesmen, generals, journalists, had been suddenlystruck with an intense desire to do nothing, just to hang about in the sunshineand consume tobacco, then we should all have been much better off than we arenow. But no, the doctrine of the strenuous life still went unchallenged; theremust be no time wasted, something must be done. And, as we know, something wasdone. Again, suppose our statesmen, instead of rushing off to Versailles with abundle of ill-digested notions and a great deal of energy to dissipate, had alltaken a fortnight off, away from all correspondence and interviews and what not,and had simply lounged about on some hill side or other apparently doingnothing for the first time in their energetic lives, then they might have goneto their so-called Peace Conference and come away again with their reputationsstill unsoiled and the affairs of the world in good trim. Even at the presenttime, if half the politicians in Europe would relinquish the notion thatlaziness is a crime and go away and do nothing for a little space, we shouldcertainly gain by it. Other examples come crowding into the mind. Thus, everynow and then, certain religious sects hold conferences; but though there areevils abroad that are mountains high, though the fate of civilization is stilldoubtful, the members who attend these conferences spend their time condemningthe length of ladies' skirts and the noisiness of dance bands. They would allbe better employed lying flat on their backs somewhere, staring at the sky andrecovering their mental health.

 

teechar

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Feb 18, 2015
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
Iraq
Current Location
Iraq
[STRIKE]Respected members,[/STRIKE]
Hello,

I am trying to improve my English writing skills. I am posting a summary that I have written, and the reading passage that I have summarized. You can either evaluate the summary in context of the reading passage or you can just evaluate the summary itself without reading the passage, whatever is convenient [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] for you.

P.S. Please comment on the title of the summary as well if you are evaluating my writing as a summary of the reading passage.


Salvation in Laziness

The present world is indeed tumultuous. The problem lies in the people who lack clarity because they obsess about being productive and dread procrastination. The [STRIKE]present[/STRIKE] world we live in [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] was shaped by our ancestors and for them, laziness was also a crime. We would have been living in a better world if they had just taken [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] some time for self-reflection. It is still possible to [STRIKE]amend[/STRIKE] address our problems, but present political and religious leaders are no different than their past counterparts. All they need is to take a deep breath, and they will certainly spot the elephant in the room.


Reading Passage

All the evil in this world is brought about by persons who are always up and doing, but do not know when they ought to be up and nor what they ought to be doing. The devil, I take it, is still the busiest creature in the universe, and I can quite imagine him denouncing laziness and becoming angry at the smallest waste of time. In his kingdom, I will bet, nobody is allowed to do nothing, not even for a single afternoon. The world, we all freely admit, is in a muddle, but I for one do not think that it is laziness that has brought it to such a pass. It is not the active virtues that it lacks but the passive ones: it is capable of anything but kindness and a little steady thought. There is still plenty of energy in the world (there never were more fussy people about), but most of it is simply misdirected. If, for example, in July 1914, when there was some capital idling weather, everybody--emperors, kings, archdukes, statesmen, generals, journalists, had been suddenly struck with an intense desire to do nothing, just to hang about in the sunshine and consume tobacco, then we should all have been much better off than we are now. But no, the doctrine of the strenuous life still went unchallenged; there must be no time wasted, something must be done. And, as we know, something was done. Again, suppose our statesmen, instead of rushing off to Versailles with a bundle of ill-digested notions and a great deal of energy to dissipate, had all taken a fortnight off, away from all correspondence and interviews and what not, and had simply lounged about on some hill side or other apparently doing nothing for the first time in their energetic lives, then they might have gone to their so-called Peace Conference and come away again with their reputations still unsoiled and the affairs of the world in good trim. Even at the present time, if half the politicians in Europe would relinquish the notion that laziness is a crime and go away and do nothing for a little space, we should certainly gain by it. Other examples come crowding into the mind. Thus, every now and then, certain religious sects hold conferences; but though there are evils abroad that are mountains high, though the fate of civilization is still doubtful, the members who attend these conferences spend their time condemning the length of ladies' skirts and the noisiness of dance bands. They would all be better employed lying flat on their backs somewhere, staring at the sky and recovering their mental health.

I added spaces to the original passage as needed. Next time, please make sure you do that yourself.
 
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