[Essay] Point out mistakes in my essay paragraph.

redherring

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Hi, I have written the following paragraph on topic "Discuss the differences between the way of life in your country now and the way of life in the past". Please point out mistakes and errors.


"Pakistan has progressed in food industry since past 20 years. There are more restaurants and hotels than before. Variety of food is available easily including international cuisine as well as our national and continental food. Previously the menus of hotels were not so varying and only 5 star or 7 hotels served international cuisine but now it is easily available everywhere. There were only few international branches of fast food such as Mcdonalds and KFc in past but now many brands have come and opened their franchise here such as Burger King. As this progress has provided people an easy access to delicious food it has also affected peoples health in negative way. Now the obesity rate is increasing in youngsters. Diseases such as cholesterol ,diabetes and heart problems are more common than ever. People should enjoy the opportunity but they should also maintain a healthy life style by eating in balance."
 
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teechar

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Hello redherring, and welcome to the forum. :)
The prompt asked you to talk about differences (not just a single difference). I don't believe you've adequately answered the question. Try again.
 

redherring

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Hello redherring, and welcome to the forum. :)
The prompt asked you to talk about differences (not just a single difference). I don't believe you've adequately answered the question. Try again.

Thank you and yes I am still working on it but I wanted input about the grammar mistakes and sentence structure of this paragraph so I would know that I am on right path.
 

emsr2d2

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When are you going to submit your piece of writing to your teacher/tutor for marking/grading?
 

redherring

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When are you going to submit your piece of writing to your teacher/tutor for marking/grading?
I am not working on an assignment . I have an exam in 6 months which includes a paper of essay writing. I am practicing for that exam. And I do not have a tutor available so I need someone to check my work and point out mistakes. I am still learning grammar and vocabulary. I have learned essay structure but I need to practice and get my work checked. I read the forum rules about not asking for help for assignment etc after posting the thread. So if you could please direct me to any online forum where they check essays I will be really grateful because I can not afford a personal tutor and I really need help and guidance at least once a week because I am practicing an essay per week.
 
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