Xin Z
New member
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2022
- Member Type
- Student or Learner
- Native Language
- Chinese
- Home Country
- China
- Current Location
- China
I got two versions of a statement about why a game app would like to collect users's data and how the developer will process it.
I need the one which is concise and native-like.
I prefer the first one, however, my colleague said that was grammatically wrong and confusing for English speakers.
Could you please check which one is better? If the second one is better, could you please abridge it by any chance?
1:
App's Name is supported by ads. To provide better services to all our users, we will collect and share data with our ads partners — from figuring out basic stuff like which part of our game you like most, to more complex things like which ads you’ll find most useful. We believe this is an essential duty and work hard to protect your information and put you in control.
You can update your choice in settings at any time.
2:
App's Name is supported by ads. In order to provide better service to all users, we collect and share data with our advertising partners, which ranges from basic game information (such as which parts of our games you like the most) to more complex data (such as which ads you find most useful). We always believe that protecting user privacy is a very important responsibility, we attach great importance to the protection of user information, and you always have control over your personal information.
You can update your selection at any time in the settings.
I need the one which is concise and native-like.
I prefer the first one, however, my colleague said that was grammatically wrong and confusing for English speakers.
Could you please check which one is better? If the second one is better, could you please abridge it by any chance?
1:
App's Name is supported by ads. To provide better services to all our users, we will collect and share data with our ads partners — from figuring out basic stuff like which part of our game you like most, to more complex things like which ads you’ll find most useful. We believe this is an essential duty and work hard to protect your information and put you in control.
You can update your choice in settings at any time.
2:
App's Name is supported by ads. In order to provide better service to all users, we collect and share data with our advertising partners, which ranges from basic game information (such as which parts of our games you like the most) to more complex data (such as which ads you find most useful). We always believe that protecting user privacy is a very important responsibility, we attach great importance to the protection of user information, and you always have control over your personal information.
You can update your selection at any time in the settings.
Last edited: