[Grammar] RE: With in, Within, or With an - Question

[GoesStation]

Re: With in, Within, or With an - Question

Yes I am British and yes it is in an American context.

Is it obvious that the narrator's voice (i.e. mine!) is British? Do you think that this is bad form? Or is it permissible to have an American based story, with American speaking characters, but the narration in British? Thanks.

It's fine for a British writer to set a story in America. You're setting yourself a very challenging task if the story includes dialog, though. You don't want your characters to sound like they're getting revenge on Dick Van Dyke for his atrocious attempt at a Cockney accent in Mary Poppins. (Mr. Van Dyke has said that his dialect coach was Irish and didn't really know what a Cockney should sound like.)

Your excerpt reads to me like something written by a British person. "Birds", "drug-store" (it should be drugstore​) and "tally marks" stick out.

 

[monsterjazzlicks]

Re: With in, Within, or With an - Question

It's fine for a British writer to set a story in America. You're setting yourself a very challenging task if the story includes dialog, though. You don't want your characters to sound like they're getting revenge on Dick Van Dyke for his atrocious attempt at a Cockney accent in Mary Poppins. (Mr. Van Dyke has said that his dialect coach was Irish and didn't really know what a Cockney should sound like.)

Your excerpt reads to me like something written by a British person. "Birds", "drug-store" (it should be drugstore​) and "tally marks" stick out.

Thanks for the vocab pointers.

Oh dear, maybe I should set the whole thing in England. I don't really want to do that though as I had my heart set on the U.S.

If the (American) dialogue reads OK, then you think it is permissible to have the narration in a British voice? I thought it would be quite interesting, but if you think it is definitely not going to work then I guess I will have to have a revamp.

 

[GoesStation]

Re: With in, Within, or With an - Question

It would be natural for the narration to be in a British voice if, for example, the narrator was established to be British. Just be aware that it's very difficult for a British writer to write convincing American dialog.

 

[monsterjazzlicks]

Re: With in, Within, or With an - Question

It would be natural for the narration to be in a British voice if, for example, the narrator was established to be British. Just be aware that it's very difficult for a British writer to write convincing American dialog.

Thanks for that. Your tips are very helpful.

I think in that case I will plough on with it (I have written a 1,000 introduction so far!) and see how it turns out at the other end. At the end of the day, if you don't try then you will never learn! And in any event, it is all work in progress. It is never going to hit the book stores and so I won't be putting any one else through the pain of reading it!

 

[andrewg927]

Re: With in, Within, or With an - Question

It's all about exposure. I have some family living in NYC but because I don't talk to them much, I don't understand certain slang they use. If I was to write a typical NY conversation, NYers would laugh at my ignorance. The fact that you haven't been to the US makes it even harder for you to write an authentic American dialogue.

 

[monsterjazzlicks]

Re: With in, Within, or With an - Question

It's all about exposure. I have some family living in NYC but because I don't talk to them much, I don't understand certain slang they use. If I was to write a typical NY conversation, NYers would laugh at my ignorance. The fact that you haven't been to the US makes it even harder for you to write an authentic American dialogue.

OK, fair enough. But does exclusively reading books by American authors and exclusively watching American TV/films not account for anything?

 

[monsterjazzlicks]

Re: With in, Within, or With an - Question

I have opened a new thread which seeks further (and slightly more focused) advice with my questions regarding U.S. dialogue. This thread has been excellent but I am a little concerned it has strayed from the 'title' of the subject-matter. Many thanks.

https://www.usingenglish.com/forum/threads/250930-RE-Help-With-U-S-Dialect-Slang-Question
​

 

[andrewg927]

Re: With in, Within, or With an - Question

OK, fair enough. But does exclusively reading books by American authors and exclusively watching American TV/films not account for anything?

It does but the trick is we have many different dialects depending on where you live. I think it can be very challenging for you to tell them apart. You need to be aware of where the characters are located or where the author is from to avoid mixing different dialects in your own writing.