[General] Rewriting a sentence

[Mirr]

"I assisted in negotiating with the service provider and closing a deal which saved 7% of the total premium (fee)"

How can I make this sentence as short as possible?

Is it ok to say "I assited in neogtiating with the service provide and closing a deal of 7% less premium fee"

Is fee omittable here?

Thanks a lot!

 

[Munch]

"I assisted in negotiating with the service provider and closing a deal which saved 7% of the total premium (fee)"

How can I make this sentence as short as possible?

Is it ok to say "I assited in neogtiating with the service provide and closing a deal of 7% less premium fee"

Is fee omittable here?

Thanks a lot!

I think "premium fee" is an error. Premium has two common meanings:

(1) a fee/charge/cost/payment, as in "insurance premium"
(2) high quality, as in "premium wine"

So it sounds like you are using sense (1), which is redundant. The sentence has some other problems too. Can you give some context?

 

[Mirr]

I think "premium fee" is an error. Premium has two common meanings:

(1) a fee/charge/cost/payment, as in "insurance premium"
(2) high quality, as in "premium wine"

So it sounds like you are using sense (1), which is redundant. The sentence has some other problems too. Can you give some context?

Thanks a lot for your reply. It should be premium.

Ok, this is the context. I helped my manager negotiate with the insurer and we closed a deal, (of which?) the premium was 7% lower than that of last year.

 

[Munch]

Thanks a lot for your reply. It should be premium.

Ok, this is the context. I helped my manager negotiate with the insurer and we closed a deal, (of which?) the premium was 7% lower than that of last year.

Thanks, that helps me help you, so to speak. If it was an insurance company, then their fee is called a "premium", so we don't need the word fee.

"I helped to negotiate a 7% reduction in insurance premiums for our company." is how I might phrase it, just off the top of my head. You could add the type of insurance and replace "our company" with the name of the company or the department. It depends on the details of the insurance policy.

Also, you could give a dollar/euro amount if that would sound more impressive.

"I helped to negotiate a 7% reduction in insurance premiums for our company, saving $50,000 per year."

 

[Tdol]

You could use 'negotiated a deal' and get rid of 'closing a deal'.

 

[Mirr]

Thanks, that helps me help you, so to speak. If it was an insurance company, then their fee is called a "premium", so we don't need the word fee.

"I helped to negotiate a 7% reduction in insurance premiums for our company." is how I might phrase it, just off the top of my head. You could add the type of insurance and replace "our company" with the name of the company or the department. It depends on the details of the insurance policy.

Also, you could give a dollar/euro amount if that would sound more impressive.

"I helped to negotiate a 7% reduction in insurance premiums for our company, saving $50,000 per year."

Thanks a lot!

But now I have another question. The plan covers two parts, life and medical. And we pay $10 per month. What determines if I should use the singular or plural form?

 

[Munch]

Plural form of what?

 

[Mirr]

OMG
I mean "premium"

 

[Munch]

OMG
I mean "premium"

OMG?

Object Management Group?
Oh my God?

Either way, I don't understand.

 

[Mirr]

OMG?

Object Management Group?
Oh my God?

Either way, I don't understand.

I am really sorry for confusing you.

I meant I am not sure if I should use "premiums" or "premium"