the government should pay for COVID-19 treatment.

[keannu]

Source : 11 grader's performance English assessment test preparation

*General Theme : I agree/disagree with Your Argument
*Specific Question : Do you agree or disagree that the government should pay for COVID-19 treatment?

The black parts are the student's while the blue parts are my correction, if you find wrong parts, please correct them.

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The government should not pay for the COVID-19 treatment.
=> Some people claim that the government should not pay for the COVID-19 treatment.

Because of citizen’s carelessness, the COVID-19 was spread.
=> They claim it because due to some citizens' carelessness, the COVID-19 was spread more .

I agree that the government should pay for COVID-19 treatment.
=> But I agree that the government should pay for COVID-19 treatment.

First, it is difficult that low-income families pay for treatment.
=>First, it is difficult for low-income families to pay for treatment.

The cost of treatment can be hard for low-income families.
=>The cost of treatment can be burdensome for low-income families.

The government should support low-income families because they earn less than ordinary people.
Second, the government didn’t prevent COVID-19 from spreading at the beginning.

In the early days, the government didn’t block Chinese visitors.
=> In the early days of COVID-19, the government didn’t try to prevent Chinese visitors from entering Korea.

However, most of countries has banned Chinese entry.
=> However, most countries have banned Chinese entry.

For these reasons, the government should pay for COVID-19 treatment.

 

[emsr2d2]

Why is "Your Argument" capitalised?

 

[Tdol]

You're hedging, but I don't see that question 1 requires it. The first answer, for instance, is someone's opinion, which is what the question asks for, though I would link the second sentence into the first. The last two seem fairly off-topic to me.

 

[tzfujimino]

How about something like "Second, the epidemic/pandemic has been caused (in part) by the government's failure to respond to the endemic effectively. For example ..."?

 

[keannu]

Why is "Your Argument" capitalised?

Oh, I just copied the assignment's topic as it is. The original one from the school was wrong, and I didn't recognize it.

I agree/disagree with Your Argument

 

[keannu]

You're hedging, but I don't see that question 1 requires it. The first answer, for instance, is someone's opinion, which is what the question asks for, though I would link the second sentence into the first. The last two seem fairly off-topic to me.

1.What do you mean by "hedging" and "question 1"? I don't see anything like "question 1".
2.Why do the last two seem off-topic? I don't get it.

This is my correction according to your opinion. I think the last two sentences are relevant if you meant those.
Please correct any mistakes.
=================================

Some people claim that COVID-19 was initially spread by some citizens' carelessness.
So they argue that the government doesn't have to pay for the COVID-19 treatment.

But I agree that the government should pay for it.
First, it is difficult for low-income families to pay for it.
The cost of the treatment can be burdensome for low-income families.
The government should support low-income families because they earn less than ordinary people.

Second, the government didn’t prevent the pandemic from spreading in the beginning.
In its early days, the government didn’t try to bar entry to Chinese visitors.
However, most countries banned Chinese entry.

For these reasons, the government should pay for the COVID-19 treatment.

 

[emsr2d2]

1.What do you mean by "hedging" and "question 1"? I don't see anything like "question 1".

If you had helpfully numbered all the sentences in post #1, it would be clear that it refers to:

The government should not pay for the COVID-19 treatment.
=> Some people claim that the government should not pay for the COVID-19 treatment.

 

[Tarheel]

Keannu, if I say "some people say" something, I may or may not agree with them, but I am not one of those people.