the water became red

[alpacinou]

Imagine you intend to describe a scene where a seal was hunted by a shark. What is a verb that can be used to describe the fact that water "became red"?

The seal was killed by the shark, its blood making the water red.

The blood of the seal made the water red.

What verb can be used instead of "make"?

Is there a way the whole sentence can be made more dramatic?

 

[jutfrank]

You could use the verb bloody, past tense bloodied.

 

[alpacinou]

Is there no verb I can use in that particular sentence instead of "make"? What do you think about "paint"?

 

[Rover_KE]

... its blood turning the water red.

 

[alpacinou]

Yes. Turn is good. But what about something which has a tinge of dramatic effect?

Does "paint" work at all?

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Paint is fine.

Read Jaws.

 

[alpacinou]

So, is this okay?

The seal was killed by the shark, its blood painting the turquoise waves red.

 

[GoesStation]

So, is this okay?

The seal was killed by the shark, its blood painting the turquoise waves red.

Bzzzzt!

 

[tedmc]

How about:

The sea/seawater was dyed red with blood oozing out from the seal.

 

[alpacinou]

Bzzzzt!

I only have one adjective!

 

[Tdol]

How about stained?

 

[alpacinou]

Bzzzzt!

Why Bzzzt Goesstation?

The seal was killed by the shark, its blood painting the turquoise waves red.

 

[TheParser]

Is there a way the whole sentence can be made more dramatic?

NOT A TEACHER




Hi,

I found on the World Wide Web this "dramatic" sentence from the Daily Mail, a British newspaper: [A] shark hunts down a seal off Cape Cod, releasing a large gush of blood [my emphasis] that turns the water red."

The newspaper article (dated August 14, 2018) was describing a video that shows what happened.

 

[alpacinou]

NOT A TEACHER




Hi,

I found on the World Wide Web this "dramatic" sentence from the Daily Mail, a British newspaper: [A] shark hunts down a seal off Cape Cod, releasing a large gush of blood [my emphasis] that turns the water red."

The newspaper article (dated August 14, 2018) was describing a video that shows what happened.

Thanks a lot. It's nice.:up:

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

I only have one adjective!

Are you sure? Count again.

 

[alpacinou]

Are you sure? Count again.

Don't you like this sentence Charlie?

The seal was killed by the shark, its blood painting the turquoise waves red.


I have red which is absolutely essential. The only extra adjective is turquoise.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Don't you like this sentence Charlie?

The seal was killed by the shark, its blood painting the turquoise waves red.

I have red which is absolutely essential. The only extra adjective is turquoise.

You wrote: "I only have one adjective!"

You have two.

I might not know much about grammar, but I'm great at counting to two!

 

[alpacinou]

You wrote: "I only have one adjective!"

You have two.

I might not know much about grammar, but I'm great at counting to two!

You are right, I wasn't considering red.

 

[GoesStation]

Why Bzzzt Goesstation?

The seal was killed by the shark, its blood painting the turquoise waves red.

There's a point where dramatic language becomes overwrought purple prose. The word "turquoise" pushed that sentence over the edge for me, so I issued a penalty.

 

[jutfrank]

There's a point where dramatic language becomes overwrought purple prose. The word "turquoise" pushed that sentence over the edge for me, so I issued a penalty.

Right. Add turquoise to red and you get purple.