The world ended for Becca

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

The EKG machine stop beeping, and then Becca's mother flatlined. The world ended for Becca on that winter night in that damp hospital room. She knew she would never be happy.

 

[emsr2d2]

Is this correct and natural?

The EKG machine Becca's mother was wired up to stopped beeping, and then [STRIKE]Becca's mother[/STRIKE] flatlined. The world ended for Becca on that winter night in that damp hospital room. She knew she would never be happy again.

See above.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Is this correct and natural?

The EKG machine stop beeping and flatlined. The world ended for Becca on that winter night in that damp hospital room. She knew she would never be happy.

Just thought I'd shorten it.

 

[emsr2d2]

Just thought I'd shorten it.

You shortened it but completely lost the fact that it was Becca's mother who was involved. She's not mentioned anywhere else in the piece. (Also, "stopped beeping".)

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

You shortened it but completely lost the fact that it was Becca's mother who was involved. She's not mentioned anywhere else in the piece. (Also, "stopped beeping".)

Thanks for the stopped! I'll fix it.

I was assuming that the read would know by now that it was Mom.

 

[emsr2d2]

the read?

 

[Tarheel]

It's short for reader.
;-)

 

[emsr2d2]

It's short for reader.
;-)

Not a contraction I've ever seen. Perhaps it's peculiar to AmE, since I note that both you and Charlie are AmE speakers. Perhaps Charlie would like to chime in.

 

[alpacinou]

I'm fairly certain it was a little typo on the part of Charlie.

 

[Tarheel]

Not a contraction I've ever seen. Perhaps it's peculiar to AmE, since I note that both you and Charlie are AmE speakers. Perhaps Charlie would like to chime in.

I didn't mean it was on purpose. (Probably not.)

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

the read?

Oops. The reader.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

. . . Perhaps it's peculiar to AmE, since I note that both you and Charlie are AmE speakers. Perhaps Charlie would like to chime in.

It's not. But I am.