this life can end up being shorter than a longer life but lived in slavery.

[Queueuey]

Is this sentence idiomatic and clear?

This life can end up being shorter than a longer life but lived in slavery.

How would you rephrase it?

Source:

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[5jj]

Here are two possibilities:

This life can end up being shorter than a longer life but one lived in slavery.
This life can end up being shorter than a longer life lived in slavery.

 

[Queueuey]

Here are two possibilities:

I assume that the original sentence is neither idiomatic nor clear, is it?

 

[5jj]

A correct assumption.

 

[jutfrank]

I would say it's both idiomatic and clear.

 

[Queueuey]

I would say it's both idiomatic and clear.

Now I am really confused.

 

[jutfrank]

What's confusing you?

 

[Queueuey]

What's confusing you?

The contradictory contributions, obviously.

Would you say that the use of 'but' is warranted and idiomatic here too, and doesn't make the sentences sound clunky and awkward:

• She bought an older computer made by a major brand instead of a newer one but made by a local manufacturer with lower quality components.
• He chose a higher qualified candidate with little experience over a less qualified one but recommended by a friend and with a long track record..
• Would you prefer a bigger cake made by an amateur to a smaller one but made by a professional chef with fewer ingredients?

 

[emsr2d2]

The contradictory contributions, obviously.

Would you say that the use of 'but' is warranted and idiomatic here too, and doesn't make the sentences sound clunky and awkward:

• She bought an older computer made by a major brand instead of a newer one but made by a local manufacturer with lower quality components.
• He chose a higher qualified candidate with little experience over a less qualified one but recommended by a friend and with a long track record..
• Would you prefer a bigger cake made by an amateur to a smaller one but made by a professional chef with fewer ingredients?

I wouldn't use "but" in any of those sentences. With it, the meaning is still clear but I would question what the writer thought they were adding by using it.

 

[Skrej]

I don't find the original very natural. It'd be fine without 'but'. With 'but', it's still understandable but clunky.

I can't see the benefit of adding 'but', either.

Without watching the video, I'm not sure what's he's trying to suggest. He's clearly stating that a life of freedom can end up being shorter than one of slavery, but without more context, I'm not sure what he's suggesting as to why that would be so.

I'm sure even a day in abject slavery would seem like eternity - maybe he's speaking in a metaphorical sense?

 

[jutfrank]

Would you say that the use of 'but' is warranted and idiomatic here too, and doesn't make the sentences sound clunky and awkward:

Yes. They're very natural and very easy to understand. This use of 'but' is very common in casual everyday speech, though you should generally avoid this kind of sentence in writing.

Look at 5jj's first example in post #2. There's typically a hidden 'one' or other repeated noun phrase involved after 'but' that's not necessary to repeat in a casual style.