To subsist in distress, encircled by irascible ...

[Enki]

Dear all, I recently translated my French aphorisms into English. However, native English speakers around me found many of the words unfamiliar and struggled to grasp the overall meaning. I'm considering titling my work : Cubist Path to Vacuity. What do you think please ?

First path to vacuity

​

– To subsist in distress, encircled by irascible, furious fools, or to choose a noble temple, full of sumptuous jewels—what does it matter? A sane awareness must craft the barricades of its own indestructible fortress.

– There is no need to isolate in a monastery to glow. Slowly initiate your metamorphosis to guard against dreary sorrow.

– The altruist monk speaks of tears shed, unaware of the dark trials that sculpted fears, and pain.

– No one can feel the happiness of detachment without having been subjected to malignant sadness, great misfortunes, and torments in excess.

– How to achieve harmony? Without holy liturgy glowing bright, or being blinded by a blazing light, erudition conquers one’s inner haunting frights.

– Knowledge transcends the mystique of existence, with logic and clairvoyance.

– To study, to seek rational theories accurately-define(d)—the wisdom leading to peace gracefully aligned, a celestial place with a pearly shine.​

 

[Tarheel]

First, "vacuity" is not an everyday word. Second, I don't understand any of them.

 

[Enki]

Thank you, Tarheel. I understand that the vocabulary in my metaphysical parable may be uncommon. Given my unfamiliarity with this forum, could I request a review from a teacher with a background in philosophy please?

 

[Tarheel]

You seem to be addressing me specifically in post #3. However, it is not up to me who responds and who doesn't.

Two things. One, I'm not certain how many of our members have looked at the OP, but at least two have. Two, if somebody says they don't understand something you should, in my humble opinion, consider that valuable information.

 

[Enki]

Thank you very much, Tarheel.

 

[probus]

Well @Enki I did a couple of philosophy courses in my distant undergrad days. Before I respond, however, I'd like to know more about how a native French speaker came to reside permanently in Taiwan, where the vast majority of people call Chinese their mother tongue. Are there many of you francophones on the island?

 

[Enki]

Thank you for your response, @probus.

In Taiwan, the lack of diversity is evident when walking down the street, and it has become more pronounced since Covid-19. There are approximately 120,000 Caucasians compared to 700,000 Asian migrants. There are 12,000 Americans to 1,700 French citizens.
I was born in France and left my country at the age of 20. After spending 10 years wandering around Africa, Spain, England, and Denmark, I settled in Taiwan 24 years ago. I suppose you can deduce my age from that. I speak Mandarin and can write basic Chinese characters on my phone or computer using pinyin.

 

[Tarheel]

Well, we've already gotten off-topic, so what the heck?!

If you wanted diversity you picked the wrong place (Taiwan). However, India has 80 languages spoken by a million or more people. That's diversity! (New Guinea has even more indigenous languages. (Somebody will correct me if "indigenous" is the wrong word ) On the other hand, there's Japan, which is 99% Japanese.

 

[Enki]

Hi,

I responded to a user's questions about my presence in Taiwan, but both posts were removed. On the picture attachment, I have noticed the N/A.

I am requesting that Red5 delete my account and this topic please.

Thank you.

 

[emsr2d2]

Hi,

I responded to a user's questions about my presence in Taiwan, but both posts were removed. On the picture attachment, I have noticed the N/A.

I am requesting that Red5 delete my account and this topic please.

Thank you.

I hope you're not leaving just because some posts were deleted. We regularly delete posts that veer wildly away from the original topic. It's really frustrating for people following the thread to keep being notified of new responses only to find that it's the OP and another user basically chatting about something off-topic. Stick to the language side of things and it's unlikely anything will be deleted. Anyway, if you still want your account deleted, you need to submit a request in the Support Area.

 

[Enki]

Dear emsr2d2,

I want to leave the forum because I chose to consider the following evaluation. I understand your concern about the off-topic nature of the discussion, but I'm also disappointed that you deleted the post of the only person who was willing to provide feedback.

1 / Aphorism: "To subsist in distress, encircled by irascible, furious fools, or to choose a noble temple, full of sumptuous jewels—what does it matter? A sane awareness must craft the barricades of its own indestructible fortress."

Explanation: The choice between enduring hardship or seeking refuge in luxury is irrelevant; what truly matters is the strength and resilience of one's mind. A sound mind builds its own defenses, creating a mental fortress that cannot be breached by external circumstances.

2 / Aphorism: "There is no need to isolate in a monastery to glow. Slowly initiate your metamorphosis to guard against dreary sorrow."

Explanation: Spiritual or personal growth doesn't require retreating from the world. Instead, one can begin a gradual transformation within themselves to protect against sadness and despair, finding inner light amidst daily life.

3 / Aphorism: "The altruist monk speaks of tears shed, unaware of the dark trials of daily life sculpted by fears, and pain."

Explanation: A monk may speak of suffering, but they may not fully grasp the harsh realities of daily life that are shaped by constant fear and pain. Their perspective is limited by their detachment from the struggles of the common world.

4 / Aphorism: "No one can feel the happiness of detachment without having been subjected to malignant sadness, great misfortunes, and torments in excess."

Explanation: True detachment and contentment come from experiencing and overcoming severe sadness, misfortune, and torment. Only through enduring these hardships can one appreciate the peace that detachment brings.

5 / Aphorism: "How to achieve harmony? Without holy liturgy glowing bright, or being blinded by a blazing light, erudition conquers one’s inner haunting frights."

Explanation: Harmony is achieved not through religious rituals or overwhelming revelations but through knowledge and wisdom. Understanding and education can overcome the inner fears that disturb one's peace.

6 / Aphorism: "Knowledge transcends the mystique of existence, with logic and clairvoyance."

Explanation: The pursuit of knowledge allows one to see beyond the mysteries of life. Through logic and clear insight, one can transcend the uncertainties and complexities that often shroud existence.

7 / Aphorism: "To study, to seek rational theories accurately-define(d)—the wisdom leading to peace gracefully aligned, a celestial place with a pearly shine."

Explanation: The pursuit of rational knowledge and understanding leads to wisdom, which in turn brings peace. This peace is likened to a celestial, serene state, pure and shining like pearls.


The vocabulary used in these aphorisms is rich and evocative, employing a mix of philosophical and poetic language. Words like "subsist," "irascible," "erudition," and "clairvoyance" convey deep meanings, contributing to the profound nature of the thoughts expressed.
Syntax-wise, the sentences are complex yet well-structured, using parallelism and contrast to emphasize key ideas.
Semantically, the aphorisms explore themes of wisdom, suffering, and personal growth, often contrasting the spiritual with the rational. The language is carefully chosen to evoke a sense of contemplation and introspection, guiding the reader toward a deeper understanding of the human experience.

 

[probus]

The English in your translations is excellent @Enki. I can't see a single error.

Please reconsider your decision to request deletion of your account.

 

[Tarheel]

None of those are familiar to me. They seem to have been invented by the writer.

Isn't an aphorism something that's actually used?

 

[Tarheel]

The word "subsist" when used in a sentence does mean something. I wouldn't say it conveys a deep meaning (whatever that means).

 

[probus]

Enki originally wrote them in his native French, then asked us to check his translations into English.

 

[Tarheel]

The meaning is in how you use the words, not in the words themselves.

I guess the translations are OK, but I don't speak French.

The language is what some would call highfalutin.

I wonder what Google Translate would say.

I would simply say things so normal people can understand it.

 

[Skrej]

First of all, a belated 'welcome' to Using English.

I understand that the vocabulary in my metaphysical parable may be uncommon. Given my unfamiliarity with this forum, could I request a review from a teacher with a background in philosophy please?

I don't have any background in philosophy, but I can speak to a couple of your points. I hope my feedback is useful, and any criticisms are intended as constructive.

Dear all, I recently translated my French aphorisms into English. However, native English speakers around me found many of the words unfamiliar and struggled to grasp the overall meaning. I'm considering titling my work : Cubist Path to Vacuity. What do you think please ?

I would guess that any issues with reader comprehension might be the result of the readers' unfamiliarity with some of the vocabulary. You use a lot of higher tier vocabulary the average (even native) speaker might not recognize. I've seen this before with students who use dictionaries or online translators. Just because an option is given, it's not always a commonly used one.

For example in a simple exercise I once gave students to describe their rooms, a student's blind faith in the dictionary yielded a description of something that sounded like a palace room in Versailles, when it reality she was sleeping on a mattress on the floor with a battered old drawer chest as the only other thing in the room.

If that's your intent, then okay, but if not, you might consider some more commonplace synonyms. If you like, some of us might be able to offer suggestions.

I'm considering titling my work : Cubist Path to Vacuity. What do you think please ?

I'm unclear about the cubist reference - while I don't have any philosophy background, I was an art major in college, so while I understand the cubism reference, I'm unclear why you'd consider your aphorisms cubist. Cubism is a distortion of reality into greatly exaggerated geometric shapes. Reading through your list of aphorisms, they seem to be just the opposite of cubist to me - they're an attempt to boil down simple truths.

Perhaps you could clarify what your 'cubist' reference is.

Overall, the written English is excellent, from a technical standpoint. I don't see any obvious flaws with the grammar. Reading it however, even as a (relatively highly) educated person with a college degree, I still had some trouble following the prose, simply because of the verbose and flowery language.

Aphorisms, in fact, are supposed to be short, concise, pithy sayings. Yours are the opposite of that. Again, if that's a stylistic choice, then fine, but be prepared to have some readers struggle with your prose.

Your explanations are much more readable - if you have to explain your meaning, then again that might be a sign your prose is hard to read.

Take for example your first "aphorism":

1 / Aphorism: "To subsist in distress, encircled by irascible, furious fools, or to choose a noble temple, full of sumptuous jewels—what does it matter? A sane awareness must craft the barricades of its own indestructible fortress."

Explanation: The choice between enduring hardship or seeking refuge in luxury is irrelevant; what truly matters is the strength and resilience of one's mind. A sound mind builds its own defenses, creating a mental fortress that cannot be breached by external circumstances.

A truly aphoristic summary of that (based on your own explanation) might be something like "It's not the lifestyle you live, but how you choose to live it" or "It's not the life you live, but rather your strength of mind"

If you choose to stay on the forum, and are interested in making your observations more readable and approachable to the common reader, we could tackle them one by one. That depends partly though on your intent - do you want easily readable aphorisms, or are you interested in a more verbose treatise?

Hope that helps.

 

[Tarheel]

I could be wrong, but I think there are many aphorisms that are used in several languages. For example, does "A fool and his money are soon parted" have an equivalent expression in French?

 

[probus]

Some aphorisms are a bit long. Here's one originally written in French by Anatole France:

The law, in its majetic equality, forbids both the rich and the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

 

[Tarheel]

Some aphorisms are a bit long. Here's one originally written in French by Anatole France:

The law, in its majeStic equality, forbids both the rich and the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

I get the point. It's about what's called social justice.