We would be very pleased if you would be present

[vectra]

Hello,
Here are the lines from a student's homework assignment with my corrections:
'We would be very pleased if you [STRIKE]would be present[/STRIKE] agreed to be a featured speaker at the program, the topic of which is “Advice on personal finance”. This part of the program will last 10 minutes. Some funny stories from your personal business experience could be included. Also there [STRIKE]can[/STRIKE] could/might be some phone calls from interested people, so please be ready.'
Is it OK to use my corrections in this context?

Thank you in advance.

 

[emsr2d2]

Hello,
Here are the lines from a student's homework assignment with my corrections:
'We would be very pleased if you [STRIKE]would be present[/STRIKE] agreed to be a featured speaker at the program, the topic of which is “Advice on personal finance”. This part of the program will last 10 minutes. Some funny stories from your personal business experience could be included. Also there [STRIKE]can[/STRIKE] could/might be some phone calls from interested people, so please be ready.'
Is it OK to use my corrections in this context?

Thank you in advance.

In the first sentence, I would have gone with "We would be very pleased if you would agree to be a featured speaker ..."
I'm really not keen on "at the program" either. Is the whole program called "Advice on Personal Finance" (note capitalisation) or only the 10-minute section? Is it not probably "at our seminar" or something similar? Usually, we run a seminar and the seminar's program is broken down into separate sections.

 

[vectra]

In the first sentence, I would have gone with "We would be very pleased if you would agree to be a featured speaker ..."
I'm really not keen on "at the program" either. Is the whole program called "Advice on Personal Finance" (note capitalisation) or only the 10-minute section? Is it not probably "at our seminar" or something similar? Usually, we run a seminar and the seminar's program is broken down into separate sections.

Here is the task instruction-it is Unit 8 'Planning' from Market Leader Pre-Intermediate, OUP:
'As the producer of the new EBA business news programme, write a letter to a famous businessperson asking them for an interview. At the start of the letter you should introduce yourself and give brief details of the programme and its aims.'

So I think the student decided to call the whole programme 'Advice on Personal Finanace'.
Is it possible to say 'on the programme' instead of 'at the programme'?

Thank you in advance.