[Grammar] What is wrong with this sentence?

[heyyo]

What is wrong with this sentence?

In fact, although the accident had occurred just outside the Hilton (the famous hotel), no witnesses could be found, except for one woman, a resident of the Cayman Islands?

Thank you for your answer!

 

[theeexcellence]

What is wrong with this sentence?

In fact, although the accident had occurred just outside the Hilton (the famous hotel), no witnesses could be found, except for one woman, a resident of the Cayman Islands?

Thank you for your answer!

Nothing at all!

Could you please rephrase your question indicating exactly what you think is wrong with it.

On third or fourth reading it seems that "In fact" is superfluous but it could not be in the context.

May be the person speaking this setence was actually asked, "Have you found any witnesses?"

First he replied, "Few!"

Then was asked: "What do you mean?" (Because "few" in reply to first question is really a vague answer. Either he should have said "Yes" or "No".)

Then he answerd, "In fact, although the accident had occurred just outside the Hilton, no witnesses could be found, except for one woman, a resident of the Cayman Islands?"

In this situation "In fact" fits in well.

So in my opinion there is nothing wrong with this sentence.

NOT A TEACHER

 

[bhaisahab]

Nothing at all!

Could you please rephrase your question indicating exactly what you think is wrong with it.

On third or fourth reading it seems that "In fact" is superfluous but it could not be in the context.

May be the person speaking this setence was actually asked, "Have you found any witnesses?"

First he replied, "Few!"

Then was asked: "What do you mean?" (Because "few" in reply to first question is really a vague answer. Either he should have said "Yes" or "No".)

Then he answerd, "In fact, although the accident had occurred just outside the Hilton, no witnesses could be found, except for one woman, a resident of the Cayman Islands?"

In this situation "In fact" fits in well.

So in my opinion there is nothing wrong with this sentence.

NOT A TEACHER

I agree, I think it's ok.

 

[heyyo]

I noticed one error in the sentence.

The mistake was to have a comma between outside the Hilton (the famous hotel) and no witnesses could be found. The context was "considered revising" according to Microsoft Word's grammar check. It took me a while to figure that one out. Sounds better, doesn't it? :

In fact, although the accident had occurred just outside theHilton (the famous hotel) no witnesses could be found, except for one woman, a resident of the Cayman Islands.

Thank you all for your contribution!