[General] written in the script

[Ashiuhto]

Please help me correct the following sentences. Thanks!

In addition, K-drama’s creative narrations have incisively and vividly demonstrated the beauty of Korean culture such as cafes abound on the streets, street stalls on covered wagon, yellow copper pots for cooking noodles. The Korean's daily life is truly written in the script.

 

[Matthew Wai]

such as cafes abound on the streets ...

I think the noun phrase 'cafes abounding on the streets' should be used after 'such as'.

Not a teacher.

 

[Tarheel]

You might say:

In addition, K-drama’s creative narrations have incisively and vividly demonstrated the beauty of Korean culture. That includes cafes on every street corner, street stalls on covered wagons, and yellow copper pots for cooking noodles. The Korean's daily life is truly written in the script.

​

What do you think?

 

[TheParser]

***** NOT A TEACHER *****


Hello, Ashiuhto:

In my opinion, perhaps it would a good idea to work on your three examples.

You mention: cafes, food stalls, and copper pots.

I feel that some readers would find that combination is NOT harmonious.

"Cafes" and "food stalls" are eating establishments; "copper pots" are cooking equipment. It seems rather strange to compare [to liken] cooking equipment to eating establishments.


James


P.S. Unless one has seen those k-dramas, one would not understand what "a street stall on a covered wagon" means.

 

[Tarheel]

Yeah, the copper pots should be in the kitchen, not in the dining area. And when the noodles are fully cooked they will bring them out to us so we can eat them. (Maybe mix some shrimp with the noodles?)

Maybe some ice cream for dessert?

 

[Ashiuhto]

These sentences are translated from a Chinese article on Electronic Commerce Times (2014/2/24). Admittedly, they are so poorly written in Chinese Pidgin English that it fails to convey the intended meaning. My thinking is so deeply limited by Chinese idea that interferes with my English writing. I’m aware of my limitations in English writing, so I posted these threads on the forum, hoping to ask native speakers for help to correct the errors. However, I still don't know how to express its idea in natural English. If I use one word "Pojangmacha" instead of "a street stall on a covered wagon" as written, would it be acceptable? As mentioned that the combination of cafes, food stalls, and copper pots is not harmonious, then is there a better expression?

In addition, K-drama’s creative narrations have incisively and vividly demonstrated the beauty of Korean culture. That includes cafes on every street corner, Pojangmacha, and yellow copper pots for cooking noodles. The Korean's daily life is truly written in the script.

 

[Matthew Wai]

that combination is NOT harmonious.

If the Chinese original contains things which are not harmonious, should the translator revise them so that things will be harmonious or keep them unchanged so that the translation will be faithful to the original?

Not a teacher.

 

[tedmc]

I find the phrase in the last sentence 'truly written' a bit strange.
Would 'truly depicted' be better?

not a teacher

 

[TheParser]

***** NOT A TEACHER *****


To: Mr. Wai

I did not know that the OP wanted to translate Chinese sentences into English.

I thought that he had written original sentences and that he wanted members' opinions about their clarity and cohesion.

If one's goal is to simply stay faithful to the original, then -- as you implied -- the translator would not revise anything.

I thought it rather strange to include "copper pots" along with cafes and food stalls. That is, why mention kitchen equipment along with business establishments?

But after reading the OP's latest post, I am starting to get the idea (maybe incorrectly) that "copper pots" is a term for another kind of business establishment. That is to say, does it mean that entrepreneurs set up big copper pots on the street and then sell food items? In that case, the examples would all be eating "establishments," and the examples would be (for want of a better word) "harmonious."


If the translator were to write "a food stall on a covered wagon" (word for word from the Chinese?), I doubt that many people would know what that means (unless one had seen the K-dramas).

I THINK that there is a friendly debate among translators: Do you simply translate something word for word, or you do make necessary revisions so that your readers understand what they are reading? I personally feel that the latter option shows more respect for the reader.

*****

To: Ashiuhto

1. In my OPINION, changing "food stall on a covered wagon" to "Pojangmacha" would be even worse. Although I do not understand "on a covered wagon," I do understand "food stall." "Pojangmacha," I feel, would totally confuse (and annoy) your readers. They would expect the writer to, at least, explain it in parentheses.

2. Quite frankly (honestly), I think that you have done the best job possible IF it is your intention to simply translate those two sentences. In other words, someone else wrote those sentences in Chinese, and you are simply repeating the words in English.

a. For example, it was the original writer who considers cafes, food stalls, and copper pots to be examples of the "beauty of Korean culture." I think that some people would feel that there are more appropriate things that represent the "beauty of Korean culture."



James

 

[Matthew Wai]

I am not a teacher.

If the translator were to write "a food stall on a covered wagon" (word for word from the Chinese?), I doubt that many people would know what that means (unless one had seen the K-dramas).

I would translate it as 'a covered food cart' instead. Do you know what it means?

Do you simply translate something word for word, or you do make necessary revisions so that your readers understand what they are reading? I personally feel that the latter option shows more respect for the reader.

I personally feel that 'making revisions' is tantamount to 'making falsifications' which is disrespectful to the author, but 'word-for-word translation' should give way to 'liberal translation'. The OP should refrain from literally translating Chinese into English.

 

[TheParser]

***** NOT A TEACHER *****


Thank you, Mr. Wai.

Yes, when you say "a covered food cart," I am able to get a clearer picture in my mind. When Americans hear the term "covered wagon," they immediately think of those covered wagons that you see in American cowboy movies that depict life in the Old West.

Yes, let's agree on a "liberal translation."



James

 

[Tarheel]

I agree with TheParser that if you are writing that for an English-speaking readership (which you are), then the use of Pojangmacha is going in the wrong direction. You will at least need to explain the meaning of the word.