You didn't tell me you had a brother

[FalaGringo]

I've been trying to crack down on reported speech for some time now. I've come to the conclusion that we don't really follow it's rules much but tend to act on logic.

Take this sentence for exmaple...
John: "I am feeling quite low."

If I report that to someone else, reported speech requires that I backshift which would be...
I:"John told me / said that he was feeling quite low."

Now, logically speaking, that doesn't make sense as I'm fully aware that he is still feeling low, so, I would rather say...

I:"John told me / said that he's feeling quite low."

Now that I've mentioned all of the above it should hopefully make my question a little clearer..

When we say "Didn't tell" why do we rarely use the present tense? For example, I've just met my girlfriend's brother and I wasn't aware of his existance, so I look at my girlfriend and say... "You didn't tell me you had a brother." Why not "Have a brother."? I mean, if she were to say to me "I have a brother." I am then able to report that to someone else as "She told me / said that she has / had a brother."

And what about this scenario.
My mother's friends are going on their first holiday soon but didn't mention anything to her.

I:" Didn't they tell you that they were going on holiday?";
I:"Didn't they tell you that they are going on holiday this weekend?"

Do you see how I've completed changed the verb tense? I am not even sure if the second sentence is correct, all of this is rather complex when I stop and analyse it all.

 

[emsr2d2]

When a situation is still valid and relevant at the time of speaking, backshifting is optional. If using the present tense helps the listener to understand the situation, you can use it.

 

[5jj]

I've been trying to crack down on reported speech for some time now. I've come to the conclusion that we don't really follow it's (no apostrophe) rules much but tend to act on logic.

There are no 'rules' that insist on backshifting when the words reported are still valid. however, some teachers recommend that their students always backshift. It is almost never incorrect.

 

[FalaGringo]

So it is perfectly normal to say "You didn't tell me you have a brother."?

 

[Rover_KE]

So it is perfectly normal to say "You didn't tell me you have a brother[no full stop/period here]"?

It is.

 

[emsr2d2]

If you start with "So it is ...", don't use a question mark at the end. You're not asking a question. You're making a statement. To turn it into a question, start with "So is it ..."

 

[Tdol]

As long as the brother is alive.