[Application] Please help me edit my application!

[Anson12]

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[emsr2d2]

Welcome to the forum. :hi:

What are you applying for?

 

[Anson12]

This is for a university application

 

[teechar]

Outside of school, I am passionate about helping others. I dedicate my time as a first-aid ski-patrol volunteer at my local mountain resort. This has not only [STRIKE]taught[/STRIKE] brought me [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] satisfaction from helping others, but it has also taught me about the importance of responsibility. Whenever I am called to attend an incident, [STRIKE]the hours of training kicks in and[/STRIKE] I feel [STRIKE]am[/STRIKE] under [STRIKE]pressure[/STRIKE] obligation to [STRIKE]perform the correct protocols and techniques for[/STRIKE] do my best to help the injured person. [STRIKE]patient.[/STRIKE] I endeavour to always follow the correct procedures and protocols in carrying out my duty. I [STRIKE]am[/STRIKE] feel responsible for all my actions and their potential consequences, which occasionally leaves me feeling [STRIKE]an abnormal amount of[/STRIKE] under considerable stress. I have learned to overcome this by regularly reviewing my first-aid protocols and [STRIKE]speaking to[/STRIKE] asking the more experienced patrollers for their advice. The intensive and dangerous nature of this job has taught me to perform under pressure and [STRIKE]being responsible for my actions, from admitting my own mistakes to being[/STRIKE] be reliable and dependable. [STRIKE]Nonetheless,[/STRIKE] My ultimate goal is to provide guests with a safe and enjoyable environment and witness [STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] their satisfaction. [STRIKE]gratitude from the guests after I help them,[/STRIKE] That always provides me with a great sense of fulfillment.

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[Anson12]

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Thank you so much for taking your time and helping me. I have edited the first one again and added a second paragraph. Would you please look over both of them once again and tell me any changes I should make?

 

[emsr2d2]

Please don't edit posts after you've received responses. It makes a nonsense of some replies. If you want to incorporate suggested changes, you need to rewrite the text in a new response.