Speaking like Shakespeare:)

[Marina Gaidar]

Does this sentence sound as if taken from some old book? "More painful wounds are none than those inflicted by the Love. More soothing ointment is none than one applied by Love". In the first part the definite article is used before Love and in the second part it is not used in order not to ruin the rhythm of the sentence. Is it ok? Because I don't think that it is ok:roll:

 

[5jj]

Welcome to the forum, Marina. :hi:

Where did you find those sentences?

 

[Marina Gaidar]

Welcome to the forum, Marina. :hi:

Thanks

 

[Marina Gaidar]

Well, my friend wrote it. I just wanted to know whether they are ok.

 

[bhaisahab]

Well, my friend wrote it. I just wanted to know whether they are ok.

No, they are not OK.

 

[Marina Gaidar]

No, they are not OK.

What is wrong with them?

 

[bhaisahab]

What is wrong with them?

They don't make sense.

 

[Marina Gaidar]

They don't make sense.

My friend and I had a quarrel about those sentences. She told me that her sentences were simillar to those she had heard in Lord of the Rings, like this one "Needless were none of his deeds".

 

[Marina Gaidar]

If you have any ideas how to write them in a proper way to make them sound poetic, please, share your thoughts.

 

[BobK]

My friend and I had a quarrel about those sentences. She told me that her sentences were simillar to those she had heard in Lord of the Rings, like this one "Needless were none of his deeds".

J.R.R. Tolkien was a scholar of ancient languages. He used odd-looking syntax intentionally in his creative works - to communicate something to his readers about the fantasy.

If you want to communicate directly to other people about reality, he's not a good model.

(Incidentally, that language is nothing like Shakespeare's, and the periods portrayed aren't remotely comparable. ;-))

b

 

[5jj]

There are no wounds more painful than those that Love inflicts.
There is no balm more soothing that that which Love applies.

 

[birdeen's call]

Your sentences do make sense to me, but I had to read them a couple of times to understand what they meant. They are slightly different from the Lord of the Rings sentence, and I'm not sure they're acceptable. What they surely are is difficult to understand.

What do you think of

No wounds are more painful than those inflicted by Love. No ointment is more soothing than one applied by Love.

?

 

[Marina Gaidar]

J.R.R. Tolkien was a scholar of ancient languages. He used odd-looking syntax intentionally in his creative works - to communicate something to his readers about the fantasy.

If you want to communicate directly to other people about reality, he's not a good model.

(Incidentally, that language is nothing like Shakespeare's, and the periods portrayed aren't remotely comparable. ;-))

b

Something a little bit strange and old-looking is what I am looking for! I am aware of Tolkien and I think that he is the one who can be an example in this case. My friend and I were trying to create text whichwould sound old and fantastic, like spoken in some other worlds.

P.S. I used Shakespeare just to denote old style. I know perfectly well that he has nothing to do with Tolkien and that sentences I wrote here.

I really need someone who can write these lines "More painful wounds are none than those inflicted by the Love. More soothing ointment is none than one applied by Love" in Tolkien manner! Please! I am not a native speaker, I need your help!

 

[Marina Gaidar]

Your sentences do make sense to me, but I had to read them a couple of times to understand what they meant. They are slightly different from the Lord of the Rings sentence, and I'm not sure they're acceptable. What they surely are is difficult to understand.

What do you think of

No wounds are more painful than those inflicted by Love. No ointment is more soothing than one applied by Love.

?

I like your sentences! They are perfect! I just thought that strange form of narration my friend offered would be understandable for native speakers. Unfortunatelly, I am not so free in using strange forms as Tolkien is. Thank you for help!;-)

 

[Marina Gaidar]

There are no wounds more painful than those that Love inflicts.
There is no balm more soothing that that which Love applies.

Thanks! I love the rhythm of your sentences! They sound poetic.

 

[5jj]

I really need someone who can write these lines "More painful wounds are none than those inflicted by the Love. More soothing ointment is none than one applied by Love" in Tolkien manner! Please! I am not a native speaker, I need your help!

Have you read posts #11 and #12? William Shakesjed and John BC Keats spent hours polishing those lines.

Jed RR Tolkien might have written:

One Love to wound them all, One Love to blind them
One Love to soothe them all, and in the darkness bind them.

 

[charliedeut]

Jed RR Tolkien might have written:

One Love to wound them all, One Love to blind them
One Love to soothe them all, and in the darkness bind them.

If I may dare to make a humble suggestion to Master 5:

One Love to wound them all, One Love to blind them
One Love to soothe them all, and with a balm to tranquilize them.

charliedeut :roll:

 

[5jj]

If I may dare to make a humble suggestion to Master 5:

One Love to wound them all, One Love to blind them
One Love to soothe them all, and with a balm to heal them.

charliedeut :roll:

Naaah.

a. It doesn't rhyme
b. It's too far removed from JRRT's original.

 

[charliedeut]

Naaah.

a. It doesn't rhyme
b. It's too far removed from JRRT's original.

I know my rhyming abilities are rather lousy, but I included the balm only because you had mentioned it in a previous post, so it seemed to make more sense than Tolkien's "and in the darkness bind them".

charliedeut

PS: maybe my edition of the same post sort of makes more sense?

 

[5jj]

I know my rhyming abilities are rather lousy, but I included the balm only because you had mentioned it in a previous post, so it seemed to make more sense than Tolkien's "and in the darkness bind them"?

In the darkness caused by their wounds, Love binds the wound with a bandage. We take it for granted that any sensible Love would put balm inside the bandage.

This perhaps becomes clearer if you look at the original:

[FONT=&quot]A silimenel hrennim-narath[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]nev[/FONT][FONT=&quot] il guroth pallan nall;[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]menil algar linnamanath [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]e’ar simef aeron tall![/FONT]

Note the clever pun with 'aeron'!