[General] ...Overcome by emotion...

[rodgers white]

Perhaps:

I pursue her into the snowy night, the cold wind blowing the icy snow onto my face.

Nice. What about this version: I pursue her into the snowy night；a cold wind blowing echoes the far cry from the hills and mountains.

 

[emsr2d2]

Nice. What about this version: I pursue her into the snowy night；a cold wind blowing echoes the far cry from the hills and mountains.

I'd reorganise the part after the semi-colon. I read it as "a cold wind + blowing (verb) + echoes (plural noun) ...

 

[rodgers white]

I'd reorganise the part after the semi-colon. I read it as "a cold wind + blowing (verb) + echoes (plural noun) ...

You are right. The part after the semi-colon seems like something that could easily be misunderstood. So I reorganise the sentence as follows：

I pursue her into the snowy night; the cold wind is blowing, echoing the far cry from the hills and mountains.

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Can anything be improved, or do you have something to share？

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

You are right. The part after the semi-colon seems like something that could easily be misunderstood. So I reorganise the sentence as follows：

I pursue her into the snowy night; the cold wind is blowing, echoing the far cry from the hills and mountains.

Sorry, but it's kind of a mess:

1. Wind, by definition, blows. So of course it's blowing. That's what it does. So "the cold wind is blowing" isn't wrong, but it's not very economical prose. Besides blowing, what else is the wind doing?

2. Wind doesn't echo. Sounds echo. Wind tends to drown out echoes.

3. You say "the far cry." What cry? Whose cry? Yours? Hers?​

4. The echo is more likely from hills or mountains, not both. Are you in hill country or mountain country?

5. Semicolons need to serve a purpose other than making run-on sentences grammatical.​

So you might want you to rework it.

 

[rodgers white]

You are right. I like your version: Overcome by emotion, I pursue her into the night, the wind so cold the hills and mountains cry. It's simple but powerful. I just want to put the element 'snow' in the sentence. What about this:

Overcome by emotion, I pursue her into the night, the wind so cold with snow falling and the mountains cry.

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The painting was done in Taos. Taos is the ideal homebase for exploring the mountains, history, and cultures of New Mexico. So I deleted 'hills'.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Yup. As i recall, Taos is mountains. (I've only been there once.)

 

[rodgers white]

Another version appears in my mind, I can't help sharing it with you and which one do you prefer, or do you have anything to share? Is there a better word than 'shouting' here?

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Overcome by emotion, I pursue her into the snowy night, shouting a lonely song from the depths of my soul and calling to the cold wind and the distant mountains…

Or: Overcome by emotion, I pursue her into the snowy night, shouting a lonely song from the depths of my soul and calling to the cold wind and the high mountains…

Or: Overcome by emotion, I pursue her into the snowy night, shouting a lonely song from the depths of my soul and calling to the cold wind blowing the high/distant mountains…



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I always believe practice makes perfect, though there is no such thing as a perfect one.

 

[Tarheel]

Another version appears in my mind, I can't help sharing it with you.

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Overcome by emotion, I pursue her into the snowy night, shouting a lonely song from the depths of my soul and calling to the cold wind and the distant mountains…

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You call to the wind because the wind will listen to you. You call to the mountains because they will listen too.

 

[Tarheel]

I'm not perfect, but maybe some of my poems have been.
:-D

 

[rodgers white]

I'm not perfect, but maybe some of my poems have been.
:-D

Wow, I like your sentence. It's simple but full of philosophy.:up: So, are the following sentences perfect? :-D Of course not. Which one is your favourite? Please share your ideas and thank you.

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Overcome by emotion, I pursue her into the night, shouting a lonely song from the depths of my soul and calling to the cold wind and the high mountains in snow...

Overcome by emotion, I pursue her into the snowy night, shouting a lonely song from the depths of my soul and calling to the cold wind and the distant mountains…

Or: Overcome by emotion, I pursue her into the snowy night, shouting a lonely song from the depths of my soul and calling to the cold wind and the high mountains…

Or: Overcome by emotion, I pursue her into the snowy night, shouting a lonely song from the depths of my soul and calling to the cold wind blowing the high/distant mountains…



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[rodgers white]

I can't figure out a better word instead of 'shouting' in the sentences in Post#30. Or maybe 'playing' is the one? Please help me and thank you.

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Overcome by emotion, I pursue her into the night, playing a lonely song from the depths of my soul and calling to the cold wind and the high mountains in snow...

Or: Overcome by emotion, I pursue her into the snowy night, playing a lonely song from the depths of my soul and calling to the cold wind and the distant mountains…

Or: Overcome by emotion, I pursue her into the snowy night, playing a lonely song from the depths of my soul and calling to the cold wind and the high mountains…

Or: Overcome by emotion, I pursue her into the snowy night, playing a lonely song from the depths of my soul and calling to the cold wind blowing the high/distant mountains…



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Sometimes I wonder why I am captivated by this painting. Maybe part of the reason is that the horse there reminds me of a mustang. A wise friend once told me that a mustang's spirit can never be broken. She has the strenghth of the ocean and lives forever, like the wind. It took me a long time to realize why that was true, but now I know it is because a true mustang never gives up hope… or on love. And at this moment, right here, right now, it seems as if she is whispering to me - as my final moments found me and I galloped toward the sky… I realized my mother was right. It really did feel like flying.

Suddenly something occurrs in my mind: Maybe in the sentences in blue, ‘I’ can be a mustang and ‘her’ becomes a human partner – they love each other so much…

 

[Tarheel]

Two things. One, I prefer the second one. Two, say: "Something occurred to me."

I wrote a brief poem about the wind which I recently reposted on Facebook. (It's here in the Prose and Poetry subforum.)

 

[rodgers white]

Two things. One, I prefer the second one. Two, say: "Something occurred to me."

I wrote a brief poem about the wind which I recently reposted on Facebook. (It's here in the Prose and Poetry subforum.)

Thank you. You are right. I should say "Something occurred to me." Sometimes, you know, I just missed the right way to express something, so I still need to listen and read more to improve my sense of language. By the way, would you like to give the link of your poem? (the Prose and Poetry subforum here or Fackbook - both OK) Thank you.

 

[Tarheel]

I don't know how to post links using this device. :-|

 

[rodgers white]

I don't know how to post links using this device. :-|

Got it. By the way, I found your poem about the wind - 'She was the wind'. I love it.