[Essay] ...a dark recess...

[rodgers white]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Gan snuck into the cave after the bears left and Lili waited outside keeping watch for their return. Inside was a cave big enough for four families, but obviously not big enough for the entire village. He held the torch higher to get a better look around. The cave could be useful, but then he noticed a dark recess at the back of the cave. It was about three metres high and a bit less than half of a metre wide. Investigating, he found a passage that led to a gigantic cavern. He thought to himself. “It's like stepping through an inter-dimensional portal to another world.”

Gan could not see all the way across to the other side so he started walking in as straight a line as he could, counting every step. The floor of the cavern was mostly flat, so the walking was easy. He reached the other side after 478 paces; he turned and walked back to the centre counting 239 paces, turned 90 degrees and walked to the left-hand side of the cavern, then turned 180 degrees and started walking to the right-hand side of the cavern and counted 503 paces. “More than enough room he thought.” Gan then walked around the circumference of the cavern and found a few small side-caves that would be useful for storage etc.

He began heading back, and as he left the cavern to enter the cave, he heard Lili whistling frantically, and then yelling for him to get out, then a few seconds later. “Hide! It's too late to exit!”

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Gan snuck into the cave after the bears left, and Lili waited outside keeping watch for their return. [The parts of compound sentences are usually connected with a comma and a conjunction.] Inside was a cave big enough for four families, but obviously not big enough for the entire village. He held the torch higher to get a better look around. The cave could be useful, but then he noticed a dark recess at the back [STRIKE]of the cave[/STRIKE]. It was about three metres high and a bit less than half of a metre wide. Investigating, he found a passage that led to a gigantic cavern. He thought to himself. “It's like stepping through an inter-dimensional portal to another world.”

Inter-dimensional portal seems out of character with the story. Is it science fiction? I had the impression these were primitive people. Do they know about inter-dimensional portals?

Gan could not see all the way across to the other side, so he started walking in as straight a line as he could, counting every step. The floor of the cavern was mostly flat, so the walking was easy. He reached the other side after 478 paces, turned, and walked back to the centre, counting 239 paces, turned ninety degrees, [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] walked to the left-hand side of the cavern, then turned 180 degrees and started walking to the right-hand side of the cavern, and counted 503 paces. [Separate each item in a series with a comma, and use and or or before the final item.] “More than enough room," he thought.[STRIKE]”[/STRIKE] Gan then walked around the circumference of the cavern and found a few small side-caves that would be useful for storage [STRIKE]etc[/STRIKE].

He began heading back, and as he left the cavern to enter the cave, he heard Lili whistling frantically, [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] then yelling for him to get out, then a few seconds later, “Hide! It's too late to exit!”

There!

 

[rodgers white]

There!

Yes, it's a sci-fic story. Gan came from a very advanced people. You are right. Maybe they were not as advanced as such. I'll think about it. If you have a better way to express the idea, please tell me.