A few weeks after John started dating Bea

[Bassim]

Have I made any mistakes?

A few weeks after John started dating Bea, he noticed she was using him. Her blue eyes shone at him, her eyelashes batted, and she would ask in her in mellifluous voice if John could lend her some money. He was infatuated with her and couldn't say no. He invited her to expensive dinners, and she never offered to share the bill. He even saw her going out with other men, but didn't dare to say her she should remain fateful for fear of losing her. When he confessed to Ivan, his best friend, about his problems, Ivan said, "Don't you have self-respect, man? That woman doesn't love you and never will. Why do you blank everything out? Do you want to kill yourself in the end?"

 

[Tarheel]

Have I made any mistakes?

A few weeks after John started dating Bea, he noticed she was using him. Her blue eyes shone at him, her eyelashes batted, and she would ask in her mellifluous voice if John would lend her some money. He was infatuated with her and couldn't say no. He invited her to expensive dinners, and she never offered to share the bill. He even saw her going out with other men, but he didn't dare to tell her she should remain faithful for fear of losing her. When he confessed to Ivan, his best friend, about his problems, Ivan said, "Don't you have any self-respect, man? That woman doesn't love you and never will. Why do you blank everything out? Do you want to kill yourself in the end?"

I don't like the last line. Perhaps:

You've been letting her walk all over you. You should dump her and find somebody who will really appreciate you.

Or something like that.

 

[Matthew Wai]

I may say something like:

Don't be silly. She has been playing you and taking advantage of you! She doesn't deserve you. Just forget her and move on.

 

[tedmc]

I may say something like:

Don't be silly. She has been playing you and taking advantage of you! She doesn't deserve you. Just forget her and move on.

I think you need "with" after playing, or "playing with your emotions". Such a person is also called a manipulator.

 

[Tarheel]

I might say something like:

Don't be silly! She has been playing you and taking advantage of you! She doesn't deserve you. Just forget her and move on.

That's not bad except for "Don't be silly!", which doesn't work there.

 

[Tdol]

I think you need "with" after playing, or "playing with your emotions". Such a person is also called a manipulator.

No, it doesn't. You can play someone.

 

[Tdol]

I may say something like:

Don't be silly. She has been playing you and taking advantage of you! She doesn't deserve you. Just forget her and move on.

It's changing the tone. The tone of the original fits the style for me. It is not written in a particularly colloquial style.

 

[Tarheel]

Tdol, I wish you wouldn't quote people I have on "Ignore".
:-|

 

[Matthew Wai]

Is it possible to put quote boxes on "Ignore"?

 

[Tdol]

This thread is descending into a mess, like the one yesterday. Could we try to avoid this, please?

PS
1 I don't know people's ignore selections.
2 I don't know a way to put quote boxes on ignore.

 

[Matthew Wai]

he confessed to Ivan, his best friend, about his problems

He confided his problems to Ivan, his best friend.

 

[Tarheel]

He confided his problems to Ivan, his best friend.

I missed that.
:up: