A friend who sits just to my right, ...

[lei]

This is a diary entry. Please point out any mistakes and offer corrections

A friend who sits just to my right, beside my seatmate, who’s also a friend, kept looking at me secretly, and then when I catch her looking at me, she will always look away and suddenly smile with a chuckle covering her mouth like she was trying to hide it, and then look at me again. My seatmate said, "She's crazy," so I asked that friend who keeps looking at me what is going on. She said, "You look like a different person, and I'm not used to it." My seatmate agreed. I responded, "What, just because of my hair?" While combing it, I wonder if they found it humorous or what, but even I can't believe I have such short hair that I keep combing with my fingers.

 

[Tarheel]

Where does this happen? In class?

 

[emsr2d2]

A friend who sits just to my right, beside my seatmate, who’s also a friend, kept keeps looking at me secretly, and then when I catch her looking at me, she will always looks away and suddenly smiles with a chuckle, covering her mouth like she was is trying to hide it, and then looks at me again.

That's just one sentence! That's too long. You need to break it up a bit.

My seatmate said, "She's crazy," so I asked her what was going on. She said, "You look like a different person, and I'm not used to it." My seatmate agreed. I responded, "What, just because of my hair?"

It's not clear who each "she" refers to.

While combing it, I wonder if they found it humorous or what, but even I can't believe I have such short hair that I keep combing with my fingers.

This whole section doesn't work.

"Seatmate" isn't an English word. It makes it sound as if you and the other person are sitting in the same chair!

 

[Tarheel]

She's not keeping it a secret from you, is she? Maybe you could say she keeps looking at you furtively or that she gives you sidelong glances or that she sneaks looks at you.

 

[lei]

Where does this happen? In class?

Yes.

 

[lei]

That's just one sentence! That's too long. You need to break it up a bit.

It's not clear who each "she" refers to.

This whole section doesn't work.

"Seatmate" isn't an English word. It makes it sound as if you and the other person are sitting in the same chair!

I'm sorry if it was confusing.
Seatmate, the one who sits next to you.

 

[Tarheel]

If it happens in class I would start with that. As for "seatmate", that's somebody who shares the same seat with you. Presumably, the seat is wide enough for two people.

 

[lei]

If it happens in class I would start with that. As for "seatmate", that's somebody who shares the same seat with you. Presumably, the seat is wide enough for two people.

We don't share a seat because we all have individual chairs.

 

[Rover_KE]

Then 'seatmate' is incorrect,

 

[lei]

Then 'seatmate' is incorrect,

Yes. I figured it out after reading all the replies.