a text with many mistakes?

[diamondcutter]

The following article is a text from an English textbook for senior high school students in China, published by Beijing Normal University Press. It’s not a passage for students to find and correct mistakes in it but a model passage for students to study and imitate. I think the tenses of the verbs in red aren’t used correctly and I’ll correct them in brackets behind them. Besides, I think there are some other mistakes and I’ll also mark them in red and correct them in brackets behind them.

After a long day, Zhang Tian finally got back to his small room, feeling tired. He had started (started) working at seven in the morning and it was (is) eight in the evening now. He had (has) to prepare his lessons for the following day. This is a typical day for Zhang Tian. Coming to Guizhou Province (province) to teach has been quite an experience for him.

Zhang Tian graduated from university and got a teacher's certificate last year. His parents, like most (most other ones), hoped he would go to a big city to find a teaching job. Likewise (In fact), his friends all left his (their) hometown for (to) work in (big cities like) Shanghai or Beijing. Zhang Tian felt (thought) differently, however. He wanted to start (have) a new lifestyle. He had met (had) wonderful teachers from small villages during his early school years and he was inspired by them to go and teach where he was needed the most. For that reason he applied for and became a volunteer teacher in a village school. Bringing with him lots of books, clothes and two pairs of trainers, Zhang Tian travelled to the village with an eager heart (an anxious mood). He imagined all sorts of exciting things about living independently and teaching in a village.

However, not everything lived up to Zhang Tian's hopes. The school was much smaller than he had expected , with only three classrooms. In front of the classrooms, there was a playground which got dusty on windy days and muddy on rainy days. Living in the village was also more challenging than he had thought. The power and water supplies (supply) were unstable, so he could only shower every three or four days, and he had to learn how to cook. The thought of leaving once flashed through his mind, but he quickly gave up on the idea and found ways to deal with the challenges.

The school had (has) just three teachers and Zhang Tian was (is) the only English teacher. The other two local teachers were (are) responsible for maths (Maths) and Chinese. To make school life healthier and livelier for his students, Zhang Tian introduced (or has introduced) more subjects to the school -- music, art and PE. It is not surprising that PE is the kids’ favorite subject! Their school lives are now more attractive and interesting, and they enjoy playing football in the playground, as well as singing songs they've learned. The school is now full of laughter and music. Zhang Tian is planning to organise the first-ever school concert! Everyone is very excited.

Zhang Tian's first year is almost over. It has been a tough year, but he has enjoyed working with the children. What made (has made) him feel satisfied was (is) that his students were (are) able to read, speak and write in English, and they became (have become) more confident in learning. Besides teaching, Zhang Tian also brought changes to the village. He contacted charity organizations about rebuilding the playground and setting up a library, and helped the villagers sell local products online. The contribution he made (has made) to the village was (is) great so he became (has become) very popular among the villagers and they treated (treat) him as one of them. The village is like his second home now. Although he had only intended to stay for one year, he now feels ready to stay for another year. He feels so happy that he followed his heart when choosing what to do with (or in) his life, even though it may not be what others expected of him.

Dear teachers , do you agree with my corrections or alternatives (the words in brackets are my corrections and alternatives)? I’d like to read your comments.

 

[emsr2d2]

The following article is a text from an English textbook for senior high school students in China, published by Beijing Normal University Press. It’s not a passage for students to find and correct mistakes in [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] but a model passage for students to study and imitate. I think the tenses of the verbs in red aren’t used correctly and I’ll correct them in brackets [STRIKE]behind[/STRIKE] after them. [STRIKE]Besides,[/STRIKE] I think there are some other mistakes and I’ll also mark them in red and correct them in brackets [STRIKE]behind[/STRIKE] after them.

After a long day, Zhang Tian finally got back to his small room, feeling tired. He had started (started) working at seven in the morning and it was (is) eight in the evening now. He had (has) to prepare his lessons for the following day. This is a typical day for Zhang Tian. Coming to Guizhou Province (province) to teach has been quite an experience for him.

1. "had started" is correct.
2. "was" is correct.
3. "had" is correct.
*The paragraph starts with "finally got back" so the rest of the paragraph should reflect the past.

Zhang Tian graduated from university and got a teacher's certificate last year. His parents, like most (most other ones), hoped he would go to a big city to find a teaching job. Likewise (In fact), his friends all left his (their) hometown for (to) work in (big cities like) Shanghai or Beijing. Zhang Tian felt (thought) differently, however. He wanted to start (have) a new lifestyle. He had met (had) wonderful teachers from small villages during his early school years and he was inspired by them to go and teach where he was needed the most. For that reason he applied for and became a volunteer teacher in a village school. Bringing with him lots of books, clothes and two pairs of trainers, Zhang Tian travelled to the village with an eager heart (an anxious mood). He imagined all sorts of exciting things about living independently and teaching in a village.

1. "like most" is OK.
2. I wouldn't use "Likewise" or "In fact". I'd use either nothing or "Similarly".
3. Extra correction ... "his friends had all left".
4. If his friends all lived in the same town as him, "his" is OK. "Their" works as well.
5. I prefer "felt".
6. "Start" works because it shows he is looking for change.
7. "He had wonderful teachers" is OK. It has a different meaning from "had met". Using "had" means they were his teachers when he was a student.
8. I don't like either "with an eager heart" or "with an anxious mood". Also, they have completely different meanings. We need to know how he felt in order to come up with a suitable phrase. Was he excited? Was he nervous?

However, not everything lived up to Zhang Tian's hopes. The school was much smaller than he had expected , with only three classrooms. In front of the classrooms, there was a playground which got dusty on windy days and muddy on rainy days. Living in the village was also more challenging than he had thought. The power and water supplies (supply) were unstable, so he could only shower every three or four days, and he had to learn how to cook. The thought of leaving once flashed through his mind, but he quickly gave up on the idea and found ways to deal with the challenges.

1. There shouldn't be a space after the comma between "expected" and "with".
2. Use "Outside the classrooms", not "In front of the classrooms".
3. "Supplies" is correct. They are two separate supplies.

The school had (has) just three teachers and Zhang Tian was (is) the only English teacher. The other two local teachers were (are) responsible for maths (Maths) and Chinese. To make school life healthier and livelier for his students, Zhang Tian introduced (or has introduced) more subjects to the school -- music, art and PE. It is not surprising that PE is the kids’ favorite subject! Their school lives are now more attractive and interesting, and they enjoy playing football in the playground, as well as singing songs they've learned. The school is now full of laughter and music. Zhang Tian is planning to organise the first-ever school concert! Everyone is very excited.

1. "had" is correct. It refers to how many teachers were there when he arrived.
2. "was" is correct. The story is in the past.
3. "were" is correct. The story is in the past.
4. There is no need to capitalise "maths".
5. "introduced" is correct.
6. "first ever" should not have a hyphen.

Zhang Tian's first year is almost over. It has been a tough year, but he has enjoyed working with the children. What made (has made) him feel satisfied was (is) that his students were (are) able to read, speak and write in English, and they became (have become) more confident in learning. Besides teaching, Zhang Tian also brought changes to the village. He contacted charity organizations about rebuilding the playground and setting up a library, and helped the villagers sell local products online. The contribution he made (has made) to the village was (is) great so he became (has become) very popular among the villagers and they treated (treat) him as one of them. The village is like his second home now. Although he had only intended to stay for one year, he now feels ready to stay for another year. He feels so happy that he followed his heart when choosing what to do with (or in) his life, even though it may not be what others expected of him.

1. I agree that "has made" should be used.
2. I agree that "is" should be used.
3. I agree that "are" should be used.
4. I agree that "have become" should be used.
5. Extra correction - "Zhang Tian has also brought about changes ..."
6. I agree that "has made" should be used.
7. I agree that "is" should be used.
8. I agree that "has become" should be used.
9. I agree that "treat" should be used.
10. "with his life" is almost a set phrase.

[STRIKE]Dear teachers,[/STRIKE] Do you agree with my corrections or alternatives (the words in brackets are my corrections and alternatives)? I’d like to read your comments.

See above.

 

[diamondcutter]

Hi, Emsr2d2. Thank you so much for your kindness and patience. Your reply has helped me more than I can say.


I don’t mean to bother you but I have two more questions to ask you and other teachers for help.


1.Bringing with him lots of books, clothes and two pairs of trainers, Zhang Tian travelled to the village with an eager heart.

I wonder if “with an eager heart” is a set phrase. If it is not appropriate in the context above, what about using “eagerly” instead?


2.In front of the classrooms, there was a playground...

I’d like to know why “in front of” is not appropriate here.

 

[emsr2d2]

1. space here Bringing with him lots of books, clothes and two pairs of trainers, Zhang Tian travelled to the village with an eager heart.
I wonder if “with an eager heart” is a set phrase. If it is not appropriate in the context above, what about using “eagerly” instead?

2. space here In front of the classrooms, there was a playground space here ...
I’d like to know why “in front of” is not appropriate here.

1. No, it's not a set phrase at all. It sounds very odd to me. I don't think "eagerly" works either. He didn't travel eagerly. He was eager to get started at his new job (I assume).
2. We simply don't say "in front of" when talking about rooms. You can say that the playground is in front of the building but if you're going to specify the classrooms, use "outside".

 

[Tarheel]

I have a comment and a question. First, the comment. You could say:

He was looking forward to his new job.

Now the question.

What are trainers?

(Ems is amazing!)

One more thing. I would say:

He had started work at seven in the morning, and it was eight in the evening. (I wouldn't use "now" in that sentence.)

 

[emsr2d2]

What are trainers?

Trainers for me. Sneakers for you, Tarheel.

 

[diamondcutter]

Thanks, Tarheel. (The "Thank" button doesn't work on my computer.)

He had started work at seven in the morning, and it was eight in the evening. (I wouldn't use "now" in that sentence.)

I read this in another English textbook named New Concept English 2, by Longman.

After I had lunch at a village pub, I looked for my bag. I had left it on a chair beside the door and now it wasn't there! As I was looking for it, the landlord came in.

I wonder if the usage of 'now' in this context is similar to that in #1.

 

[Tarheel]

Thanks, Tarheel. (The "Thank" button doesn't work on my computer.)



I read this in another English textbook named New Concept English 2, by Longman.

After I had lunch at a village pub, I looked for my bag. I had left it on a chair beside the door and now it wasn't there! As I was looking for it, the landlord came in.

I wonder if the usage of 'now' in this context is similar to that in #1.

I don't think so. I think you could interpret it to mean at that time.

 

[tedmc]

When you write about something in the past, the rules on the time and place are similar to those for reported speech. Read here.

 

[diamondcutter]

In the New Concept English example, I think the writer uses “now” to create a sense of presence. And I think the writer of the passage in #1 also wants to do so. I think the two writers use the “now” in the same way. If you don’t think so, would you please explain in more detail?

 

[tedmc]

In the New Concept English example, I think the writer uses “now” to create a sense of presence. And I think the writer of the passage in #1 also wants to do so. I think the two writers use the “now” in the same way. If you don’t think so, would you please explain in more detail?

You are right about "now" being used in narratives of the past, a departure from the conventional way of writing to give a sense of presence at the scene. It is called the free indirect speech.

Also read here.

 

[emsr2d2]

(The "Thank" button doesn't work on my computer.)

Please add a post to the Support Area so that the admins can look into this. You'll need to say what operating system and browser you are using. We try very hard to fix users' inability to use the "Thank" button because it is such a useful feature, saving you and us a lot of time.