GilWould you please review and correct the following academic writings, the abstract of the poster?
Thank you so much in advance.
The poster is designed to provide the viewer with an understanding of living with chronic illness.
The image under the ground symbolises that the person with a chronic disease is trapped in a hopeless situation. The negative coloured [STRIKE]dirts [/STRIKE] dirt (What is a negative colored dirt?) surrounding the person expresses the physical, emotional, social and financial trauma which the person with chronic illness may experience. For anyone with chronic disease, acceptance of being chronically ill is essential for successful disease management, but extremely difficult to do because it requires ongoing lifetime attention and care. However, once the person accepts the fact and asks for assistance with mobility, hygiene or communication, a rewarding life can be [STRIKE]blossomed[/STRIKE] led. In this poster, the rose, which is blooming with the support of hands, is depicted as a symbol of the consequence of accepting the chronic illness and assistance, while the thorns in the stem indicates the difficulty of acceptance.
I, along with 5jj, believe that your friend does not understand how to write in proper English. Your writing was understandable, and written quite well, while your friend's writing does not meet that test. Have faith in your own ability and do not assume that your friends know more than you do.Dear Gil,
Thank you so much for your attention and correction.
I was told by my uni friend that my abstract sounds way too casual and is far from good academic writing.
Would you please give me a hint about how I can make this abstract sound more academic?
The following abstract is written by my uni friend as an example of good academic writing.
What parts of her writing do you think are prominent as an academic writing?
I really appreciate your kind advice.
The poster explains that the person with living chronic illness is totally submerged because the negative images depict the physical, emotional, social, financial trauma that the person undergoes; hence the picture of the person underground. However, when the person develops more about the illness, acceptance of the chronic condition is possible. It is extremely hard to accept the chronic illness the person has as it requires ongoing lifetime attention and care. The person probably needs to have lots of help with regard to mobility, hygiene or communication symbolised by the hands in the poster. Consequently, in accepting the disease the person is like a rose supported by hands that care. The reason a selected is because the rose has its thorns in the stem, which means that acceptance is difficult. However, finally the rose is blooms by magnificently the person’s acceptance and many warm supports. The rose is enveloped in a background halo that encompasses life.