as the kite caught the breeze

[suprunp]

He quickly learnt how to fly it, and Mr and Mrs Sunbury, their hearts swelling with pride, would watch him from the top of the knoll while he ran down and as the kite caught the breeze lengthened the cord in his hand.
(W.S. Maugham; The Kite)

He quickly learnt how to fly it, and Mr and Mrs Sunbury, their hearts swelling with pride, would watch him from the top of the knoll while he ran down and, as the kite caught the breeze, lengthened the cord in his hand.

Does it look natural with those two commas?

Thanks.

 

[Rover_KE]

It looks and sounds better without them.

They are unnecessary.

Rover

 

[5jj]

This is one of the rare occasions when I disagree with Rover and (as he LIKED Rover's post) bhaisahab. I think it looks and sounds better with the commas. I would use them.