Complaint email

yslamac

Member
Joined
Jan 24, 2014
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Hong Kong
Current Location
Hong Kong
I am preparing for the writing exam which will take place next week. Below is the topic appears in the past paper. Please improve it. Thank you.:)

Your school has received a complaint from City Hall about the poor behaviour of a group of your Drama Club members who attended a drama performance last week. You are the chairperson of your school's Drama Club and you have been asked by your teacher to write an email to your Club members regarding the complaint. Write the email yo your Club members.

Dear members,

I am writing with regards to a recent complaint filed by City Hall about the unruly behavior our members. This email is to highlight the urgent need to remind all of you the importance of your behavior when you are attending functions or performances outside school. As the way you behave and speak greatly affect others’ impression on the Drama Club. I urge all members in the club to consult this email carefully and follow any rules and guidelines set out.

Last week, some of our members attended a performance staged in City Hall. To my very surprise, I am informed that our members kept making noises during the performance, played mobile phones and left their seats untidy after the show. As the chairperson of the Drama Club, I am very much alarmed and alnertive by all such complaints about the behavior of our members. Therefore, I went to another performance which was also held in City Hall to better understand the situation. It turned out that the complaint is true and valid. Even worse, I saw some members playing music aloud with the loudspeakers, ignoring the rules and guidelines set out in City Hall. All these unruly conduct and bad behavior should be completely rectified, or else, the Drama Club would have a bad reputation in the eyes of the organizers. Therefore, there is a consensus among the committee that the Drama Club needs to revise the rules to prevent all unruly behavior and uphold the reputation.
Some rules are added for all members’ compliance. Regarding to noise-making, it is necessary for you to remain silent during performance or show, no matter it is staged in school or outside. Of course, you can chit-chat with the people sitting next to you if you feel strong to exchange your ideas at that instance. But I still high encourage members to discuss after the completion of the performance. As for mobile using, it is understandable that you might handle urgent matters. However, after a few observations, it seems that most of the members use their smartphones for purposes like replying to messages, checking Facebook, playing games and so forth. I strongly recommend you to put away all devices and enjoy the performance. If you do need to use your mobile for whatsoever reasons, please turn it into silent mode and adjust the screen so it is dim enough not to disturb others. For cleanliness and tidiness, the cleaners in City Hall were very unhappy about the fact that our members did not throw away rubbish but leaving it in the seats instead. This adds burdens to the cleaners working there. Although the Drama Club time and again reminds members of the issue, it is still one of our biggest concerns.

Please follow the newly added rules when you are attending performance. It is upon our responsibility to behave well as to show our respect to the organizers. I hope all of you would understand the importance of that front and look into it in a serious and prompt way.

Yours faithfully,
Sammi Lam
 
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teechar

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Staff member
Joined
Feb 18, 2015
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
Iraq
Current Location
Iraq
I am preparing for [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a writing exam which will take place next week. Below is [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a topic that appeared in [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a past paper. Please improve my answer. [STRIKE]it.[/STRIKE] Thank you.:)

Your school has received a complaint from City Hall about the poor behaviour of a group of your Drama Club members who attended a drama performance last week. You are the chairperson of your school's Drama Club and you have been asked by your teacher to write an email to your Club members regarding the complaint. Write the email to your Club members.

Dear members,

I am writing with regards to a recent complaint [STRIKE]filed by[/STRIKE] from City Hall about the unruly behavior of some of our members. This email is to [STRIKE]highlight the urgent need to[/STRIKE] remind all of you about the importance of [STRIKE]your[/STRIKE] good behavior when you are attending functions or performances outside school, as the way you behave and speak greatly affects others’ impression [STRIKE]on the[/STRIKE] of our Drama Club. I urge all members in the club to [STRIKE]consult[/STRIKE] consider this email carefully and follow any rules and guidelines set out in our code of conduct.

Last week, some of our members attended a performance staged in City Hall. To my very surprise and disappointment, I am informed [STRIKE]that our members[/STRIKE] they kept making noises during the performance, played with their mobile phones and left litter on their seats [STRIKE]untidy[/STRIKE] after the show. As the chairperson of the Drama Club, I am very much alarmed [STRIKE]and alnertive[/STRIKE] [That word doesn't exist, and even "alerted" does not work here.] by all such complaints about the behavior of our members. Therefore, I went to another performance which was also held in City Hall to better understand the situation. It turned out that the complaint is [STRIKE]true and[/STRIKE] valid and well founded. Even worse, I saw some members playing loud music on their phones, [STRIKE]aloud with the loudspeakers,[/STRIKE] ignoring the rules and guidelines set out [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] by City Hall. All [STRIKE]these[/STRIKE] such unruly conduct and bad behavior [STRIKE]should be[/STRIKE] must completely stop, [STRIKE]rectified,[/STRIKE] or else, the Drama Club [STRIKE]would have[/STRIKE] will gain a bad reputation in the eyes of the organizers. Therefore, there is a consensus among the committee that the Drama Club needs to revise the rules to prevent all unruly behavior and uphold our [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] reputation.

Some rules [STRIKE]are[/STRIKE] have been added for all members to comply with. [STRIKE]compliance.[/STRIKE] Regarding [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] noise-making, it is necessary [STRIKE]for you[/STRIKE] to remain silent during any performance or show, no matter whether it is staged in school or outside. [STRIKE]Of course, you can chit-chat with the people sitting next to you if you feel strong to exchange your ideas at that instance. But I still high encourage members to discuss after the completion of the performance.[/STRIKE] As for using mobiles [STRIKE]using, it is understandable that you might handle urgent matters. However, after a few observations, it seems that most of the members use their smartphones[/STRIKE] for [STRIKE]purposes like[/STRIKE] anything, including replying to messages, checking Facebook, playing games and so forth, that is completely unacceptable; your mobile phone must be switched off or put on silent (mode). [STRIKE]I strongly recommend you to put away all devices and enjoy the performance. If you do need to use your mobile for whatsoever reasons, please turn it into silent mode and adjust the screen so it is dim enough not to disturb others. For cleanliness and tidiness, the cleaners in City Hall were very unhappy about the fact that our members did not throw away rubbish but leaving it in the seats instead. This adds burdens to the cleaners working there. Although the Drama Club time and again reminds members of the issue, it is still one of our biggest concerns.[/STRIKE] Finally, you must not leave behind any litter on the seat. Pick up all items and deposit them in the bins provided outside.

[STRIKE]Please follow the newly added rules when you are attending performance.[/STRIKE] It is incumbent upon us all [STRIKE]our responsibility[/STRIKE] to behave well [STRIKE]as[/STRIKE] and to show our respect to the organizers. I hope all of you would understand the importance of [STRIKE]that front[/STRIKE] of this matter as far as our reputation is concerned. [STRIKE]and look into it in a serious and prompt way. [/STRIKE]

Yours faithfully,

Sammi Lam
.
 

yslamac

Member
Joined
Jan 24, 2014
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Hong Kong
Current Location
Hong Kong
Thank you for the improvement. I would like to know why "litter" rather than "rubbish" is used here. Also, does a noun need to be in plural form after the word "any"?:-D
 

Rover_KE

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jun 20, 2010
Member Type
Retired English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
England
Current Location
England
'Litter' is more formal than 'rubbish'.

'Any' can be followed by a plural or singular uncountable noun.

'Have you any newspapers?'
'Have you any sugar?'
 
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