[Grammar] Coordinating conjunctions in complex sentences

[sofiapwn]

I am having some difficulty with complex sentences and the use of commas in biographies. I use a robot grammar aid that often makes mistakes and insists on removing commas.
I am trying to avoid the famed comma splice.
Also, these are two references I have been using:
https://learn.canvas.net/courses/1505/pages/lesson-connecting-sentences
https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/commas/

Stylistically, I think the following passage is monotonous, and one way to breathe life into it might be to use conjunctions.
That being said, I am trying very hard to avoid comma splices, but I am also concerned about removing commas where they are necessary.
Commas are important for many reasons, and it seems as though the rules in the style handbooks are sometimes oversimplified...
I could be wrong, and that is why I am posting this question with some examples.

The main reason I feel a strong urge to use commas is the monotony of the passages. This is a short version!
The promotions can number three to five, as can the universities!

"Dr. Desoto graduated from the Faculty of Science at Osaka University in Kansai in June 1942. He was hired as a staff member by the same university. He simultaneously did biochemical research for eight years at The National Institute of Science as a staff member. He was promoted to assistant professor in 1950. Then he became an associate professor two years later. He was subsequently promoted to professor in 1955."


My question is in regard to the following examples.
Is it impossible to use #1? It seems the least awkward. However, isn't it a comma splice?
If not, it becomes a series of monotonous sentences with similar contents (#2)
or an awkward, forceful coordinating conjunction using ", and (the subject)..."
In your answer, you can use the passage above or the examples below to illustrate your point.

Here are my examples (All proper nouns have been altered for privacy.):
__________________________________________________________________
#1) "When he retired in 1970, he was honored as a professor emeritus by Tohoku University, and worked as a professor at Osaka Junior College from 1970 to 1991."
(This is apparently incorrect...)

#2) "When he retired in 1970, he was honored as a professor emeritus by Tohoku University. He worked as a professor at Osaka Junior College from 1970 to 1991."

#3) "When he retired in 1970, he was honored as a professor emeritus by Tohoku University, and he worked as a professor at Osaka Junior College from 1970 to 1991."
________________________________________________________________

Thank you for any help you can give.

 

[teechar]

Welcome to the forum.

"He graduated from the ___ Department at ____University in ___ City/State. Then he did ____. He was promoted to ___ in (year). He was subsequently promoted to ___ in (year). In the 1800s he was the most ____."

We can give you a more accurate answer if you fill in those blanks. Put in dummy words if you're concerned about privacy.

#1) "When he retired in 1970, he was (honored and) made a [STRIKE]as a[/STRIKE] professor emeritus by Tohoku University, and worked occasionally/part-time as a professor at Osaka Junior College from 1970 to 1991."

Try that. The text in parenthesis is optional.

 

[sofiapwn]

Welcome to the forum.


We can give you a more accurate answer if you fill in those blanks. Put in dummy words if you're concerned about privacy.


Try that. The text in parenthesis is optional.

Thank you for the welcome! I'm happy to be here.
Okay, I will edit my post. Thanks for the tip!

 

[teechar]

"Dr. Desoto graduated from the Faculty of Science at Osaka University in Kansai in June 1942. He was hired as a staff member [ 1] by the same university. [STRIKE] He simultaneously did [/STRIKE] While in that position, he also conducted biochemical research for eight years at The National Institute of Science as a staff member. He was promoted to assistant professor in 1950. Then he became an associate professor two years later. He was subsequently promoted to full professor in 1955."

[ 1]: Consider using the actual title, e.g., “junior lecturer”.

 

[sofiapwn]

Welcome to the forum.

We can give you a more accurate answer if you fill in those blanks. Put in dummy words if you're concerned about privacy.

Try that. The text in parenthesis is optional.

Thank you for the welcome and suggestions, @TEECHAR
I edited the passage and the examples as per your suggestion.

I like your second example, however, isn't it a comma splice?

It seems the most natural of the three examples, and I definitely want to use it, but I am trying to be as orthodox as possible...

In the next response to the post, I liked your additions and I have been doing things like this as much as possible... That being said, it is still very boring, and I really want to use more examples like the one you posted in your first response.
Do you think it would be okay in an academic publication, or would it still be considered a comma splice? I just feel like it is very natural to write it this way...

Thanks again.

 

[teechar]

I like your second example. However, isn't it a comma splice?

Which one?

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

#1) "When he retired in 1970, he was honored as a professor emeritus by Tohoku University, and worked as a professor at Osaka Junior College from 1970 to 1991."
(This is apparently incorrect...)

It is indeed wrong. It's not a compound sentence. It's a series of two: he (1) was honored and (2) worked. In a series, only use commas if there are more than two items:

- two items: dogs and cats
- three items: dogs, cats, and refrigerators

#2) "When he retired in 1970, he was honored as a professor emeritus by Tohoku University. He worked as a professor at Osaka Junior College from 1970 to 1991."

That's correct. "When he retired in 1970" is a dependent clause, so it's separated with a comma. The second sentence doesn't need a comma.

#3) "When he retired in 1970, he was honored as a professor emeritus by Tohoku University, and he worked as a professor at Osaka Junior College from 1970 to 1991."

That's also correct. It's a compound sentence, so it needs that second comma and a conjunction (in this case, and) to merge the two.
________________________________________________________________

Thank you for any help you can give.

You're welcome!