sofiapwn
Member
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2020
- Member Type
- Academic
- Native Language
- English
- Home Country
- United States
- Current Location
- Japan
I am having some difficulty with complex sentences and the use of commas in biographies. I use a robot grammar aid that often makes mistakes and insists on removing commas.
I am trying to avoid the famed comma splice.
Also, these are two references I have been using:
https://learn.canvas.net/courses/1505/pages/lesson-connecting-sentences
https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/commas/
Stylistically, I think the following passage is monotonous, and one way to breathe life into it might be to use conjunctions.
That being said, I am trying very hard to avoid comma splices, but I am also concerned about removing commas where they are necessary.
Commas are important for many reasons, and it seems as though the rules in the style handbooks are sometimes oversimplified...
I could be wrong, and that is why I am posting this question with some examples.
The main reason I feel a strong urge to use commas is the monotony of the passages. This is a short version!
The promotions can number three to five, as can the universities!
"Dr. Desoto graduated from the Faculty of Science at Osaka University in Kansai in June 1942. He was hired as a staff member by the same university. He simultaneously did biochemical research for eight years at The National Institute of Science as a staff member. He was promoted to assistant professor in 1950. Then he became an associate professor two years later. He was subsequently promoted to professor in 1955."
My question is in regard to the following examples.
Is it impossible to use #1? It seems the least awkward. However, isn't it a comma splice?
If not, it becomes a series of monotonous sentences with similar contents (#2)
or an awkward, forceful coordinating conjunction using ", and (the subject)..."
In your answer, you can use the passage above or the examples below to illustrate your point.
Here are my examples (All proper nouns have been altered for privacy.):
__________________________________________________________________
#1) "When he retired in 1970, he was honored as a professor emeritus by Tohoku University, and worked as a professor at Osaka Junior College from 1970 to 1991."
(This is apparently incorrect...)
#2) "When he retired in 1970, he was honored as a professor emeritus by Tohoku University. He worked as a professor at Osaka Junior College from 1970 to 1991."
#3) "When he retired in 1970, he was honored as a professor emeritus by Tohoku University, and he worked as a professor at Osaka Junior College from 1970 to 1991."
________________________________________________________________
Thank you for any help you can give.
I am trying to avoid the famed comma splice.
Also, these are two references I have been using:
https://learn.canvas.net/courses/1505/pages/lesson-connecting-sentences
https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/commas/
Stylistically, I think the following passage is monotonous, and one way to breathe life into it might be to use conjunctions.
That being said, I am trying very hard to avoid comma splices, but I am also concerned about removing commas where they are necessary.
Commas are important for many reasons, and it seems as though the rules in the style handbooks are sometimes oversimplified...
I could be wrong, and that is why I am posting this question with some examples.
The main reason I feel a strong urge to use commas is the monotony of the passages. This is a short version!
The promotions can number three to five, as can the universities!
"Dr. Desoto graduated from the Faculty of Science at Osaka University in Kansai in June 1942. He was hired as a staff member by the same university. He simultaneously did biochemical research for eight years at The National Institute of Science as a staff member. He was promoted to assistant professor in 1950. Then he became an associate professor two years later. He was subsequently promoted to professor in 1955."
My question is in regard to the following examples.
Is it impossible to use #1? It seems the least awkward. However, isn't it a comma splice?
If not, it becomes a series of monotonous sentences with similar contents (#2)
or an awkward, forceful coordinating conjunction using ", and (the subject)..."
In your answer, you can use the passage above or the examples below to illustrate your point.
Here are my examples (All proper nouns have been altered for privacy.):
__________________________________________________________________
#1) "When he retired in 1970, he was honored as a professor emeritus by Tohoku University, and worked as a professor at Osaka Junior College from 1970 to 1991."
(This is apparently incorrect...)
#2) "When he retired in 1970, he was honored as a professor emeritus by Tohoku University. He worked as a professor at Osaka Junior College from 1970 to 1991."
#3) "When he retired in 1970, he was honored as a professor emeritus by Tohoku University, and he worked as a professor at Osaka Junior College from 1970 to 1991."
________________________________________________________________
Thank you for any help you can give.
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