could u correct my paragraph, plz ????

[IAmActive]

My name is Active. I am twenty four years old. I am a teacher assistant of Urdu language at Bahrain University. I live in a big family with my father, mother, six sisters and five brothers. My father is retired from military service. Now, he is working for a bank. My mother is a skilled housewife. She do all the housework to the fullest. My brothers and sisters are really smart, patient and well-mannered, and I love them a lot. I was born in Delhi and brought up in Manama and I still live in it. I do not have a lot of memories for Delhi because I left it to Manama when I was six years old. Manama is the city of my childhood and youthfulness. It is an amazing city with many recreational places and modern buildings, and I really like it. My favorite hobbies are studying, swimming, walking and drawing sometimes. Unfortunately, I don't have a closest friend but I have many kind friends. I love my family, friends and my fantastic life.

 

[TheParser]

My name is Active. I am twenty four years old. I am a teacher's assistant of Urdu at Bahrain University. I live with my father, mother, six sisters and five brothers. My father is retired from military service. He now works for a bank. My mother is a dedicated housewife. My brothers and sisters are really smart, patient and well-mannered, and I love them a lot. I was born in Delhi and brought up in Manama, where I still live. I do not have a lot of memories of Delhi because we moved to Manama when I was six years old. So Manama is the city of my childhood and youth. It is an amazing city with many recreational places and modern buildings, and I really like it. My favorite hobbies are studying, swimming, walking and drawing sometimes. Unfortunately, I don't have a close friend, but I have many kind acquaintances. I love my family, friends and my fantastic life.

***** NOT A TEACHER *****


Hello,

I found your paragraph very interesting.

I have made a few suggested changes (above).

Perhaps the most serious mistake was "She do all the housework." As you know, in the present tense, one uses "does" for the third person.

I am certainly not a writing teacher, but they say that we should cut out all unnecessary words. For example, it is not necessary to tell your readers that you live in "a big family." When your readers learn that you live with 13 people, they will understand!


James