Diary - Yesterday, my dad came back from a restaurant

[Maybo]

This is an entry from my diary. Please check it and correct any mistakes.

Yesterday, my dad came back from a restaurant near evening. He took a shower and washed his clothes. I was in my room and my mum suddenly shouted, “Don’t go out to the balcony in underwear!”. I went out and saw my dad in a tank top and brief trying to hang the laundry on the balcony. He was definitely out of his mind.

 

[Tarheel]

This is an entry from my diary. Please check it and correct any mistakes.

Yesterday, my dad came back from a restaurant LATE IN THE AFTERNOON. He took a shower and washed his clothes. I was in my room and my mum suddenly shouted, “Don’t go out ONTO the balcony in YOUR underwear!”. I went out and saw my dad in a tank top and briefS HANGING the laundry on the balcony. He was definitely out of his mind.

I wouldn't say she "suddenly" said it. I would simply say she said it.