Everyday passage

[EMHM]

Hi, I would like to improve my English by trying to compose 5 to 6 lines about any subject, and get your comments on how to correct/improve it.I'll start today and if this is not prohibited, I'll continue posting and accepting your comments.Here is my first passage:

" Today, while I was listening to the BBC, where the program was about the old vs new ways of publishing, I heard a very good comments from one of the commentator.

“ in the time of 24 hours live news, the news paper is still exist “,He said .

I was overwhelmed by this fact, and thought that this is true, at the time some of our newspaper is online, live and 24 hours updating, but still there are people who prefer to buy the paper edition."

Thank you for all.

 

[emsr2d2]

Hi, I would like to improve my English by trying to compose 5 to 6 lines about any subject, and get your comments on how to correct/improve [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] them. I'll start today and, if this is not prohibited, I'll continue posting and accepting your comments. Here is my first passage:

"Today, [STRIKE]while I was listening to the BBC,[/STRIKE][STRIKE] where the[/STRIKE] while listening to a BBC program [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] about [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] old vs new ways of publishing, I heard a very good [STRIKE]comments[/STRIKE] comment (or "very good comments") from one of the commentators.

"In [STRIKE]the time[/STRIKE] these days of [STRIKE]24 hours[/STRIKE] 24-hour live news, the newspaper [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] still exists", he said.

I was overwhelmed by this fact, and [STRIKE]thought[/STRIKE] realised that this is true - at the [STRIKE]time[/STRIKE] moment, some of our newspapers [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] can be read online, live and updated 24/7 [STRIKE]24 hours updating,[/STRIKE] but still there are people who prefer to buy the paper edition."

Thank you for [STRIKE]all[/STRIKE] everything.

See my corrections above.

Take care with your use of verbs and with your spacing round punctuation.

 

[EMHM]

Ohhh, that’s double great!

It is allowed to continue posting similar passages, and that you bother yourself to correct my passage. Thank you for everything

So, here is today’s passage.

“ Yesterday, I visited the telecommunication company to check my mobile bill. One of their staff told me about an offer to get I-phone VI with any 18-month contract I make with them. The mobile price will be included in the contract where I have to pay about 50$ every month.

I was wondering, what is wrong with my SV mobile? It serve me for the last two years, and I’m happy with the android OS, so that I decided not to accept the offer and continue to pay my monthly bill according to what I consume.

In my opinion, this is exactly what all the companies trying to do for us “ Eat more than what you need, and sometimes, more than what you can” .

 

[tedmc]

Ohhh, that’s doubly great!

[STRIKE]It is [/STRIKE] So I am allowed to continue posting similar passages, and [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] you [STRIKE]bother yourself[/STRIKE] would care to correct my passage. Thank you for everything

So, here is today’s passage:

“ Yesterday, I [STRIKE]visited[/STRIKE] went to the telecommunication company to check my mobile bill. One of their staff told me about an offer [STRIKE]to get [/STRIKE] of an I-phone VI with any 18-month contract I make with them. The mobile price will be included in the contract where I have to pay about 50$ every month.

I was wondering, "what is wrong with my SV mobile?" It has served me for the last two years, and I’m happy with the Android OS, so [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] I decided not to accept the offer and continue to pay my monthly bill according to what I consume.

In my opinion, this is exactly what all the (telco?) companies are trying to [STRIKE]do for us [/STRIKE] persuade us to do - “ Eat more than what you need, and sometimes, more than what you can” .

.

 

[Tarheel]

Fifty dollars = $50

 

[EMHM]

Breakfast is very important meal for me, so that, I started my day by breakfast.

Usually, it consist of cheese and bread but in some occasions I replaced the cheese with cream and honey. Once in a week I eat egg in breakfast.

I try to have salad in all my meals including breakfast.

My breakfast does not satisfy me without a cup of milk and tea.

I searched for breakfast dishes for different countries, and found some of them intolerable for me, especially having meat or fish in breakfast. The best I liked is the croissant and coffee.

 

[emsr2d2]

Breakfast is a very important meal for me (no comma here) so [STRIKE]that,[/STRIKE] I [STRIKE]started[/STRIKE] [always] start my day [STRIKE]by[/STRIKE] with breakfast.

Usually, it consists of cheese and bread but on some occasions (or simply "occasionally") I [STRIKE]replaced[/STRIKE] replace the cheese with cream and honey. Once [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] a week, I eat eggs [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] for breakfast.

I try to have salad [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] with all my meals, including breakfast.

My breakfast does not satisfy me without a cup of milk and tea. (Do you mean a cup of hot tea with added milk, or do you have a cup of milk and a separate cup of tea?)

I searched for breakfast dishes [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] from different countries, and found some [STRIKE]of them intolerable for me,[/STRIKE] that didn't sound good to me, especially the ones [STRIKE]having[/STRIKE] which include meat or fish. [STRIKE]in breakfast.[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]The best[/STRIKE] The one I liked best is the croissant and coffee.

See above.

 

[EMHM]

(Do you mean a cup of hot tea with added milk, or do you have a cup of milk and a separate cup of tea?)

I mean a cup of tea mixed with milk! perhaps you like to share one with me sometime? ;-)

I'm appreciating all the help you offer. I'll keep on posting my passages, and hope to improve my English.

 

[emsr2d2]

It's a cup of tea with milk, or just a cup of tea. It depends whether you think it's important that the reader knows you add milk to your tea.

 

[Tarheel]

(Do you mean a cup of hot tea with added milk, or do you have a cup of milk and a separate cup of tea?)

I mean a cup of tea mixed with milk! perhaps you like to share one with me sometime? ;-)

I'm appreciating all the help you offer. I'll keep on posting my passages, and hope to improve my English.

Say:

Perhaps you would like to share one with me sometime?

And:

I appreciate all the help you have been giving me.

And:

I'll keep on posting my passages, and I hope to improve my English.

Don't forget the rule of ten.

 

[EMHM]

Don't forget the rule of ten.

Rule of ten ?! Tell me more, please.

 

[Tarheel]

When you want to remember something, say it, read it, or write it ten times.

 

[EMHM]

My today's passage will be an email:

Dear Mr. X,

With regards to the frequent communication problem between AA station and BB, It is decided to investigate the reasons and possibilities of the problem, a suggestion to develop a Dummy signal with preset value and time, and to collect its reading in BB station in order to compare for any deviations.

As per the Test we agreed in our discussion earlier, our technician developed a routine to simulate a Dummy Signal at CC line in AA station, starting today ( Thursday 14/07/2016).

All what is required from BB station is to collect the data for the test period where it will be checked later for any sign of malfunction.

The test is expected to finish by the end of July, and the Dummy Signal will be removed during the first week of August 2016, unless otherwise is instructed.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

stations AA and BB

And:

the reasons for the problem

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

With regards to the frequent communication problems between stations AA and BB, it has been decided to investigate the situation and come up with a possible solution. A suggestion is to develop a dummy signal with preset value and time and to collect its reading at BB station in order to detect any deviations.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

As per the test we agreed to in our discussion earlier, our technician developed a routine to simulate a dummy signal at CC line at AA station, starting today (Thursday 14/07/2016).

 

[EMHM]

Driving a car in these days is high requirement skill. In addition to the conventional driving skills, you need to be a good watch man.

You should take care of yours and the others mistakes too.

He is driving carelessly, and making zigzags. She is driving with her attention is distracted by her baby in the back seat. He is chatting while driving.

I used to avoid driving behind taxis, buses and non-local plates, as all will take decision to stop or change lanes at the last moment without any signals. Now a days, I avoid everybody, as all are doing so.

 

[Tarheel]

Last two paragraphs. Say:

All that is required from the BB station is to collect the data from the test period. The data will be analyzed later.

And:

The test is expected to be finished by the end of July, and the dummy signal will be removed during the first week of August 2016 unless instructions change.

I don't think you need "unless instructions change" (although it is an improvement). That's because people know that if that if things change things change.

Keep it simple. The last thing you want to do is confuse people.

 

[Tarheel]

Driving a car in these days is high requirement skill. In addition to the conventional driving skills, you need to be a good watch man.

You should take care of yours and the others mistakes too.

He is driving carelessly, and making zigzags. She is driving with her attention is distracted by her baby in the back seat. He is chatting while driving.

I used to avoid driving behind taxis, buses and non-local plates, as all will take decision to stop or change lanes at the last moment without any signals. Now a days, I avoid everybody, as all are doing so.

First sentence. Perhaps:

Driving a car nowadays is a demanding task.

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

You need to pay attention. Anticipate what the other drivers are going to do.

And:

She is distracted by the baby in the back seat.