[Cover Letter] for an internship program...

talkingRabbit

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Hi,
There is a internship program that I am very much interested in. I have just finished my graduate degree and other than few training courses I don't have any experiences. Actually this is the first time I'm applying for any position. So any advice or tip is appreciated...

Here's the cover letter:

Greetings,
I am writing about the internship program offered by your company in your website (x.org/x/). I am particularly interested in the internship offered for IoT.
I am looking for an opportunity where I can pick up new skills that enrich my skill sets, skills that I am passionate about and possibly help me to build my career. I am a graduate of "X univ." in EEE. My final year project was a biometric security system using Speaker Recognition technology. It also used a MySQL database for data storing and a webpage for real-time monitoring of access logs. I also attended a 300 hours training course on Java under the "XYZ" program.
**I believe that I am a quick learner and normally I don't like to quit before solving a problem. I like to think myself as a cool-headed person who can keep his wits about him under pressure.
I have enclosed my resume. I look forward to meeting with you and discussing my qualifications in more detail if you believe that I am qualified for the internship program.
Sincerely,
Name
mail
contact

*******
About the starred paragraph, I think that this is just inflation of self worth with no actual way to prove it. I just added it because I couldn't think of any better way to prove my suitability to the position and I read sentences like these in some career advice blogs. I do consider myself a quick learner and all but this way of writing seems too... smug... :/
Should I omit it? Or is it fine as it is? Also does the cover letter need to be longer than this? I'm new to this forum and forgive me if asking these questions is against the forum rules.
Thanks in advance... :)
 

Tdol

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I don't think it is too smug.
 

talkingRabbit

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Thanks for the reply. :)
So, I can keep it... OK... What about the rest of the letter? Is it grammatically correct? Is the formatting ok? Does anything need to be written differently?

Sorry if I seem too pushy... Like I said, this is my first application & I'm too nervous & I really like this opportunity. Not many company's are working with this tech in my country.

Thanks again.
 

emsr2d2

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Thanks for the reply. [STRIKE]:)[/STRIKE]
So, I can keep it. OK, what about the rest of the letter? Is it grammatically correct? Is the formatting [STRIKE]ok[/STRIKE] OK? Does anything need to be written differently?

Sorry if I seem too pushy. Like I said, this is my first application, [STRIKE]&[/STRIKE] I'm [STRIKE]too[/STRIKE] very nervous [STRIKE]&[/STRIKE] and I really like this opportunity. Not many [STRIKE]company's[/STRIKE] companies are working with this tech in my country.

Thanks again.

I don't have time to look at your letter but please note my corrections to your post above. We don't connect sentences with strings of dots. A full stop (period) is just one dot.
 

teechar

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[STRIKE]Greetings,[/STRIKE]

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing about the internship program offered by your company [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] as advertised on your website (x.org/x/). I am particularly interested in the internship offered [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] in the IoT area.

I am looking for an opportunity where I can [STRIKE]pick up[/STRIKE] acquire new skills that enrich my skill set, skills that I am passionate about and [STRIKE]possibly[/STRIKE] that would hopefully help me to [STRIKE]build[/STRIKE] consolidate my career. I am a graduate of "X Univ." in EEE. My final-year project was a biometric security system using speaker recognition technology. It also used a MySQL database for data storage [STRIKE]storing[/STRIKE] and a web page for real-time monitoring of access logs.

I also [STRIKE]attended[/STRIKE] completed a 300-hour training course on Java under the "XYZ" program.

I believe that I am a quick learner, and I don't give up easily when faced with difficult challenges. [STRIKE]normally I don't like to quit before solving a problem.[/STRIKE] I like to think of myself as a cool-headed person who can keep his wits about him under pressure.

I have enclosed my resume for your kind consideration, and I look forward to meeting with you and discussing my qualifications in more detail if you believe that I am qualified for the internship program.

Yours faithfully,

[STRIKE]Sincerely,[/STRIKE]

Name
mail
contact email
.
 

talkingRabbit

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Thanks for everything, especially for the edit. You guys are the best. :up:
 

teechar

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You're welcome, and I wish you all the best with your application. :)
 
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