Happy's self-introduction

[Silverobama]

Happy is one of my students. He wrote a self-introduction:

Hello everyone. My name is Happy. I'm seven years old. I'm from Chongqing. I go to Tian Tai Gang elementary school. I like playing Lego in my spare time; I want to a Lego teacher. I enjoy summer sports like swimming. My dad is a businessman and mother is a boss of an apparel story. I'll have a little sister or brother in the near future. My favorite movie is <Ultra Man>. I like it very much because he is very cool.

I noticed that he had made some mistakes. The following is my version:

Hello everyone. My name is Happy. I'm seven years old. I'm from Chongqing. I go to Tian Tai Gang elementary school. I like playing Lego in my spare time; I want to be a Lego teacher. I enjoy summer sports like swimming and jogging. My dad is a businessman and my mother is a boss of an apparel story dealing in women's clothes. I'll have a little sister or brother in the near future. My favorite movie is <Ultra Man>. I like it very much because he is very cool.

Would you please take a look at my version? Is it good now?

 

[5jj]

Where did jogging come from?

My mother owns/manages/runs a clothes store.

I'm going to have a little sister or brother soon

 

[Tarheel]

I would say: "I like playing with Lego's (unless Lego is a game). Also: "My mother manages a clothing store."

Assuming Chinese is his first language, his English is quite good for a seven-year-old.

 

[emsr2d2]

Like 5jj, I have no idea why you added "and jogging". Not only is it not just a summer sport (nor is swimming) but there was no need to add it at all. I'm sure Happy knows what he likes!

 

[Silverobama]

Where did jogging come from?

My mother owns/manages/runs a clothes store.

I'm going to have a little sister or brother soon

Like 5jj, I have no idea why you added "and jogging". Not only is it not just a summer sport (nor is swimming) but there was no need to add it at all. I'm sure Happy knows what he likes!

I thought "summer sports" should be plural so I added "jogging" to the corrected version. Now I made some changes after reading your corrections, I wonder if it's okay now:

Hello everyone. My name is Happy. I'm seven years old. I'm from Chongqing. I go to Tian Tai Gang elementary school. I like playing Lego in my spare time; I want to be a Lego teacher. I like swimming during the summertime. My dad is a businessman and my mother manages a clothes store. I'm going to have a little sister or brother soon. My favorite movie is <Ultra Man>. I like it very much because he is very cool.

I highlighted the changed (by me) part.

 

[tedmc]

I would say: "I like playing with Lego's (unless Lego is a game). Also: "My mother manages a clothing store."

Assuming Chinese is his first language, his English is quite good for a seven-year-old.

I don't think a seven-year-old non-native is able to write the essay. Being able to write a proper sentence would be quite a achievement for a child of that age.

I enjoy summer sports like swimming.

I thought the original sentence is correct as it is.

 

[5jj]

I don't think a seven-year-old non-native is able to write the essay. Being able to write a proper sentence would be quite a achievement for a child of that age.

Silver tells us he did write it.

 

[emsr2d2]

I don't think a seven-year-old non-native is able to write the wrote/could have written that essay. Being able to write a proper sentence would be quite an achievement for a child of that age.

I thought think the original sentence is correct as it is. (or "I thought the original sentences was correct as it was".)

Note my corrections above. I don't share your disbelief at all. Some children have a phenomenal talent for languages, no matter their age. (Without wishing to blow my own trumpet, I could have written much more complicated sentences than that in French when I was seven.)

 

[5jj]

I taught 6-7-year-old children in China, some of whom could come up with a dozen sentences in English like that.