help pls

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ella-bella

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Please read this sample of work submitted by a student. Imagine you have chosen to write comments underneath the text as a form of feedback. Write your comments in the answer box. Remember that the student is at her elementary level so keep your comments simple.

My sister is very pretty and good looking. She has beautiful straight black heair. She medium height, about 5 feet 5, I suppose, In her twenties, She have dark braun eyes. She slim and well built. She is wearing in blue T-shirt end jeans. Nadine very like the animals. She is veterinary surgeon. She like to swim and play tennis.

my answer

heair - SP
She medium height - GR
braun - SP
She is wearing in blue T-shirt end jeans - GR, (end) SP
Nadine very like the animals - GR

My sister is very pretty and good looking. She has beautiful straight black heair.(SP) She medium height,(P) about 5 feet 5, I suppose, In her twenties, She have dark braun(SP) eyes. She slim and well built.(P & GR) She is wearing in blue T-shirt end jeans.(GR) Nadine very like the animals. (GR) She is veterinary surgeon. She like to swim and play tennis.

is there anything else i can do to make this better?
 
Joined
Jan 9, 2010
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
Serbian
Home Country
Serbia
Current Location
Serbia
My sister is very pretty and good looking. She has beautiful straight black heair. She medium height, about 5 feet 5, I suppose, In her twenties, She have dark braun eyes. She slim and well built. She is wearing in blue T-shirt end jeans. Nadine very like the animals. She is veterinary surgeon. She like to swim and play tennis.

my answer

heair - SP
She medium height - GR
braun - SP
She is wearing in blue T-shirt end jeans - GR, (end) SP
Nadine very like the animals - GR

My sister is very pretty and good looking. She has beautiful straight black heair.(SP) She medium height,(P) about 5 feet 5, I suppose, In her twenties, She has dark braun(SP) eyes. She slim and well built.(P & GR) She is wearing[STRIKE] in[/STRIKE] blue T-shirt [STRIKE]end[/STRIKE] and jeans.(GR) Nadine [STRIKE]very[/STRIKE] likes the animals very much. (GR) She is veterinary surgeon. She likes to swim and play tennis.

is there anything else i can do to make this better?

Why don't you correct the mistakes instead of writing in brackets what language part was wrong? It's about an elementary level student, not about someone who is at the university.
 

anishjp

Junior Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2010
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Malayalam
Home Country
India
Current Location
South Africa
Hi,

She is a veterinary surgeon.

*Not a teacher*

Thanks,
Anish
 
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