Help regarding my motivation letter

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Mehrandirvi

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Hi every one, i am new here. i am applying for Master's, for which i have written a motivation letter. i want some one to check it and help me make improvements. my email is mehrandirvi@gmail.com. your help in this regard will be highly appropriated.
 

emsr2d2

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Hi [STRIKE]every one[/STRIKE] everyone, I am new here. I am applying for a Master's, for which I have written a motivation letter. I [STRIKE]want[/STRIKE] would like [STRIKE]some one[/STRIKE] someone to check it and help me make improvements. [STRIKE]my email is [EMAIL REMOVED][/STRIKE]. Your help in this regard will be highly [STRIKE]appropriated[/STRIKE] appreciated.

Welcome to the forum. :hi:

Please see my corrections above. It is important to follow these rules of written English at all times:

- Start every sentence with a capital letter.
- End every sentence with a single, appropriate punctuation mark.
- Always capitalise the word "I".
- Do not put a space before a comma, full stop, question mark or exclamation mark.
- Always put a space after a comma, full stop, question mark or exclamation mark.

As you can see, your email address has been removed. That is not how this forum works. If you want us to look at your motivation letter, you need to post it publicly in this section and we will be able to look at it and suggest improvements.
 

Mehrandirvi

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Thanks for the welcome, I will try to follow all these rules. I am posting my letter kindly check it and let me know what improvements can be made.

Dear Sir/Madam
My professional goal is to take a research oriented career as a teaching faculty member. Keeping that in mind, my immediate objective is to work toward a master degree in the field of my interest. I am writing you to show my motivation to apply for Master’s Degree in Materials Science and Engineering Program, scheduled to be offered in fall 2015.
My name is MehranUllah. I have completed my Bachelor’s in Textile engineering from National Textile University, Faisalabad, Pakistan in 2013. My specialization is in Fabric manufacturing. During the summer break of 2012, I interned at Bismillah Textiles Ltd, Faisalabad, and worked on weaving Preparatory process. After graduation, I worked at Nishat Chunian Pvt Ltd (One of the largest Textile Mills of Pakistan) for a period of 6 months as assistant weaving manager. My job responsibilities consist of managing each and every thing related to manufacturing, including managing man Power, streamlining different process, ensuring sufficient and timely supply of the raw material, supervision of production and maintenance teams. I have good academics at every step in my education. I stood first among the class in Intermediate, and secured third position in Bachelor’s degree from the Textile University.
Upon investigating the program details, King Abdullah University of Science and Technology is offering, I was happy to see the courses I am interested in, and I want to avail this opportunity to study in the field of materials science especially Composite Materials, Nanomaterials and Polymeric materials. I am interested in a world class program like this, because it would not only allow me to expand my knowledge but also will help me to take a research oriented career in this specific field, which eventually will help me to serve my country after my degree completion.
My interest in composite materials arose during my graduate degree. In my third semester I studied the course “Textile Raw Material”, the first course that was related to physical properties of textile materials. In the subsequent semester I further studied different materials. In 6[SUP]th[/SUP] semester I studied “Non-woven and Technical Textiles” here I got a brief intro about composite materials and their properties. My interest in composite materials compel me to study it further and I decide to use Textile composite in my final year project. We did research on “Production of cost effective awning fabric for window blinds”. It was a group thesis and I was the group leader. It was my first research initiative and enriched my knowledge on research methodologies, and significantly improves my abilities to conduct research activities and write research papers. During our research we work on composite materials, we tried to weave a fabric composed of two different fibers, than we melt one of the fiber to convert it into matrix and provide the required strength and stiffness. Beside Composite materials my interest in your program is increased by the course “Solar Cell Material and devices”. Currently my country is suffering from severe energy crises, we are facing more than 12 hours load shedding during 24 hours. Solar energy can be the source to provide us the cheap, Green and instant energy. I do not have any previous education in this field but I am sure that I have the required abilities and motivation to work in this field and serve my country by researching in the field.
I would like to end by saying that I am fully aware that a career in research and academics requires a higher level of intelligence, devotion and a huge sacrifice but I am sure that I have the required motivation and other abilities. I am confident that my solid foundations in engineering academics had provided me with the required skills, knowledge and contacts to pursue a master degree in a globally recognized institution like King Abdullah University of Science and Technology.
 

Mehrandirvi

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If any senior member is there, please help me it's urgent. I need to send the letter to university.
 
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