I finally met Jasmine's father

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

I finally met Jasmine's father outside the hut. The midday sun illuminated his brownish skin, revealing its cracks and creases. He was a rugged country man with a long angular face and, square chin and yellow decaying teeth. The mountain sun had faded the glow off of his hair which was a pale gray.
The air that day was windless and clammy. I could almost feel the moisture in the air merging with my sweat. On a hot, damp day like this, a swimming pool would be a life saver.

 

[Tdol]

Have you fully captured the Tropics?

 

[Tarheel]

Is this correct and natural?

I finally met Jasmine's father outside the hut. The midday sun illuminated his brownish skin, revealing its cracks and creases. He was a rugged country man with a long angular face, a square chin and yellow decaying teeth. The mountain sun had faded the glow off of his hair, which was a pale gray.

The air that day was windless and clammy. I could almost feel the moisture in the air merging with my sweat. On a hot, damp day like this, a swimming pool would be a life saver.

He had cracks in his skin?

I presume the person had been looking forward to seeing Jasmine's father for weeks if not months.

I wouldn't use the word "illuminated" there.

The word "windless" makes me think of the wind.

 

[alpacinou]

Have you fully captured the Tropics?

How can I better capture it?

 

[alpacinou]

He had cracks in his skin?

I presume the person had been looking forward to seeing Jasmine's father for weeks if not months.

I wouldn't use the word "illuminated" there.

The word "windless" makes me think of the wind.

Yes.

What should I use instead of "illuminate"?

 

[Tdol]

How can I better capture it?

I've spent may years in the Tropics and this doesn't catch me in the way much of your writing does. There's more than sweating, though you do sweat.

 

[alpacinou]

I've spent may years in the Tropics and this doesn't catch me in the way much of your writing does. There's more than sweating, though you do sweat.

Would you please share your experiences and help me better capture the essence of being in a tropical place?

 

[Tdol]

It's a bit harsher and takes no prisoners- there's little to compare it with temperate zones, though it is wonderful.

 

[Tarheel]

What should I use instead of "illuminate"?

Nothing. It's noon. You can see everything just fine. If you need to describe the person just do it.

(My two cents.)