I hear Modonna

[kadioguy]

[Context: Ariana Grande (left) during an interview with the host Jimmy Fallon (right)]

Jimmy Fallon: I was going to say, every two seconds of the (music) video, something totally different - visually awesome, amazing, well-directed. But then, uh, you ... I hear Modonna ... is the voice of God. And I go, “How did you get Madonna to do that?”

Ariana Grande: Um, I, texted her.

Jimmy Fallon: She’s been on the show, and she would never even remotely offer any communications at all to me. She tells me to stay away but you can just text and go, “Hey, I’m doing this video.”
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1. Why are “hear” and “go” in the present simple [in the first part]? Is that because Jimmy Fallon is using the historical present, making the narrative more vivid?

2. Does the “would” mean “she would never even remotely offer any communications at all to me (if I wanted to communicate with her)”?

3. Why are “tells”, “can” and “go” in the present simple [in the last part]? Is that because it is something like a general truth?

 

[kadioguy]

A friend told me:

1. Simple present is often used while telling stories (usually informal).
2. Correct.
3. Correct. But he could also have said “She would tell me to stay away but you can just text and go ... .”

I agree with him. However, I’d also like to hear your options.

 

[Ostap]

1. Yes.
2. It doesn't imply "if I wanted to communicate with her". A person may offer you something regardless of whether you wanted it or not. It's just that the relantionship between Madonna and Fallon are on a level where Madonna would never initiate a musical (or any other) collaboration between them.
3. "Tells" is habits, repeated actions. "Can (go)" is a modal verb.