I see myself as a risk taker

sania-baharat

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Could you please check the following paragraphs?

I suppose taking risks involve being a/the kind of person who has willingness to try different, new and sometimes adventurous things. When it comes to taking risks, I see myself as a risk taker. In fact, I am more of a risk taker than I used to be and I will be happy to take some risks in life. I think my attitude to risk has changed as I have gotten older. For example, I am more open to risking a change in my appearance because I think I’m less self-conscious now. I often change the hairstyle and color of my hair, but when I was younger I had the same hairstyle and color of hair for years and years. I also take risks to do things I enjoy doing, like traveling foreign countries alone or trying adrenaline-filled zip lining adventure. I have decided to further my study beyond the bachelor’s degree abroad as well, which really is worth risks involved and is the second biggest risk I am going to take in my life. I think some elements of risk probably makes life more enjoyable than it is. The first biggest risk I've ever taken was a professional one. After 5 years working for the same company and of having different job positions, I left and applied for a new job. Although I have a sense of adventure, as far as performing adventure sports concerned, such as skiing, sky diving, cliff jumping, there is not much room for risk in my life, because those activities even have fatal consequences.
 

tedmc

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Could you please check the following paragraph[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE]?

I suppose taking risks involves [STRIKE] being a/the kind of person who has[/STRIKE] the willingness to try different, new and sometimes adventurous things. When it comes to taking risks, I see myself as a risk taker. In fact, I am more of a risk taker than I used to be and I will be happy to take some risks in life. I think my attitude to risk has changed as I have gotten older. For example, I am more open to risking a change in my appearance because I think I’m less self-conscious now. I often change the hairstyle and color of my hair, but when I was younger I had the same hairstyle and color of hair for years and years. I also take risks to do things I enjoy doing, like traveling to foreign countries alone or trying adrenaline-filled zip lining adventure. I have decided to further my study beyond [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] bachelor’s degree abroad as well, which really is worth the risks involved and is the second biggest risk I am going to take in my life. I think some elements of risk probably makes life more enjoyable than it is. The first biggest risk I've ever taken was a professional one. After 5 years working for the same company and of having different job positions, I left and applied for a new job. Although I have a sense of adventure as far as [STRIKE]performing[/STRIKE] participating in adventure sports is concerned, such as skiing, sky diving and cliff jumping, there is not much room for risk in my life, because those activities may even have fatal consequences.
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yi-ing

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After 5 years working for the same company and of having different job positions
Is the sentence above correct? because of "of".

Although I have a sense of adventure as far as performing participating in adventure sports is concerned
Is the punctuation correct? Don't we need to put "," after "adventure"?

think my attitude to risk has changed as I have gotten older.
Is "As I get older " correct too?

I left and applied for a new job.
Can we say "a new one"?
 
Last edited:

tedmc

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Thanks for pointing out the oversight.

1. The "of" should have been omitted.

2. There should have been a comma after "adventure".
 

sania-baharat

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Thank you, Tedmc and Yi-ing.
How about the third and fourth question Yi-ing had for you?
 

teechar

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teechar

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When it comes to taking risks, I see myself as a risk taker.
That's not well written. Try: "Personally, I see myself as a bit of a risk taker".

I often change the hairstyle and color of my hair,
That implies you change the hairstyle of your hair! Use "style" instead of "hairstyle" there.

I also take risks to do things I enjoy doing, like traveling on my own to foreign countries [STRIKE]alone[/STRIKE] or trying adrenaline-filled activities such as zip-lining. [STRIKE]adventure.[/STRIKE]

I have also decided to further my [STRIKE]study[/STRIKE] education beyond the level of a bachelor’s degree by going to study abroad, [STRIKE]as well,[/STRIKE] which I believe will be [STRIKE]really is[/STRIKE] worth the risk, [STRIKE]involved[/STRIKE] [You are inadvertently merging two common expressions here: "worth the risk" and "the risk(s) involved"]

and is the second biggest risk I am going to take in my life. [How do you know you won't take any other major risks in future?!]
Say: "and this will be the second-biggest risk I will have taken in my life."

I think some elements of risk probably make life more enjoyable than it usually is. The first big [STRIKE]gest[/STRIKE] risk [STRIKE]I've ever taken[/STRIKE] I ever took was a professional one.

Although I have a sense of adventure, as far as performing adventure sports is concerned, such as in [a sense of adventure ... such as in skiing ...] skiing, sky diving, or cliff jumping, there is not much room for other risk in my life,

because those activities even have fatal consequences.
I have no idea how you wanted that to fit in with the rest of that sentence.
 
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