[Grammar] I want to keep a distance between me/myself and her.

[MichaelLu2000]

Hello guys!

I would like to know whether I should use a reflexive pronoun or a personal pronoun: "I want to keep a distance between me/myself and her"

I want to ask this question because we usually say "Look behind you" instead of "Look behind yourself" when it refers to the relative location of something or someone.

Looking forward to your replies.

Thanks.

 

[emsr2d2]

Use the personal pronoun "me" in "between me and her".

 

[MichaelLu2000]

Use the personal pronoun "me" in "between me and her".

I agree with you. That's what I think is the correct answer in the first place.

 

[emsr2d2]

For some reason, reflexive pronouns have become commonly used these days. Some people seem to think that saying "Please don't hesitate to contact myself" sounds posh or well-educated. It doesn't. It's wrong.

 

[tedmc]

How about:

I want to keep a distance from her?

 

[tedmc]

How about:

I want to keep my distance from her?

I want to keep her at a distance.

I want to keep her at arm's length.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

For some reason, reflexive pronouns have become commonly used these days. Some people seem to think that saying "Please don't hesitate to contact myself" sounds posh or well-educated. It doesn't. It's wrong.

I hear it used by people who don't know whether to say me or I and are trying to cover it up. So instead of being wrong half the time, they're wrong all the time.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

PS -

And make that her and me, not me and her. Always put yourself last in a series.

 

[jutfrank]

PS -
Always put yourself last in a series.

Interesting. What makes you say that, I wonder?

 

[emsr2d2]

Interesting. What makes you say that, I wonder?

It's just convention.

 

[jutfrank]

It's just convention.

Well, it's also highly natural and very common to do it the other way around, although probably not quite as much, admittedly.

I think it's more of a stylistic thing than a convention thing.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Interesting. What makes you say that, I wonder?

It's what I was taught in grade school and high school, and it's the way I usually hear people with otherwise good grammar talk. The reasoning (if reason can be applied to English) is that it's impolite to cut to the front of the line.

It could well be different in the UK. In the US, it's correct to put ourselves last in a series. If you like, I can look for a citation. (Knowing me, I probably will, anyway.)

PS -

Okay. I looked in several books and websites. On one hand, nowhere does it explicitely say to put ourselves last. But in the dozens of examples I found, I and me always (always) came last.

So I might be wrong, but I'm not alone!

 

[jutfrank]

It's what I was taught in grade school and high school, and it's the way I usually hear people with otherwise good grammar talk. The reasoning (if reason can be applied to English) is that it's impolite to cut to the front of the line.

It could well be different in the UK. In the US, it's correct to put ourselves last in a series. If you like, I can look for a citation. (Knowing me, I probably will, anyway.)

Thanks for replying, Charlie.

I really don't mean to be deliberately contrary here and I certainly don't mean to cause offence to anyone who disagrees with me, but I do have a problem with the usual response that "it's just what I was taught at school." That's not good enough for me.

You don't have to find a citation, thanks. I can find plenty of those myself! I've been arguing this point for years.

As for the only offer of any kind of reasoning whatsoever that I've ever heard on the matter—that it is polite to 'put oneself last'—I remain wholly unconvinced.

Would you like to join me and my partner for a drink?
Would you like to join my partner and me for a drink?

It looks like it's just me and you left.
It looks like it's just you and me left.

Do the esteemed members here really consider the second sentences as more polite in any way than the first? Would you consider only the latter ones as correct?

 

[jutfrank]

But in the dozens of examples I found, I and me always (always) came last.

What do you mean? Examples of what? I could name you half a dozen song titles alone right off the bat consisting of the pattern Me and _______.

So I might be wrong, but I'm not alone!

Yes and no. ;-)