I will talk about

[Anna232]

Can I use "I will talk about" at the beginning of the first paragraph, or should it be rephrased? I am not sure it is a recommended phrase for an essay.

To begin with, I will talk about one of the teachers I had at school who...

 

[teechar]

It depends. What prompt is that supposed to be a response to?

 

[Anna232]

It depends. What prompt is that supposed to be a response to?

"Money defines happiness." I wanted to provide some examples to talk about people who aren't really rich but quite successful in their lives.

 

[teechar]

You would need an introductory sentence or two first. Can you think of something?

 

[Anna232]

You would need an introductory sentence or two first. Can you think of something?

Here is my attempt:

It is generally believed that money defines happiness. While this popular idea might be true to some extent, it begs the question if our happiness really depends on how much we earn. To begin with, I will talk about one of the teachers I had at school whose passion and dedication to her beloved job proved the popular idea to be wrong.

 

[teechar]

It is generally believed Some people may believe that money defines happiness.

What you wrote means most people believe.

While this popular idea might be true to some extent, it begs the question if our happiness really depends on how much we earn.

This is:
1- Too long.
2- Verbose.
3- Useless (it says nothing).
You can just say something like: "However, I don't particularly agree with that" to state your position.

To begin with, I will talk about one of the teachers I had at school whose passion and dedication to her beloved job proved the popular idea to be wrong.

No. You've just gone off topic. If you want to give an example, do it after you've explained/justified your position. Try to briefly (in a sentence or two) outline why money does not define happiness. Post below.

 

[Anna232]

What you wrote means most people believe.

This is:
1- Too long.
2- Verbose.
3- Useless (it says nothing).
You can just say something like: "However, I don't particularly agree with that" to state your position.

No. You've just gone off topic. If you want to give an example, do it after you've explained/justified your position. Try to briefly (in a sentence or two) outline why money does not define happiness. Post below.

But does "I will talk about" work?

What you wrote means most people believe.

This is:
1- Too long.
2- Verbose.
3- Useless (it says nothing).
You can just say something like: "However, I don't particularly agree with that" to state your position.

No. You've just gone off topic. If you want to give an example, do it after you've explained/justified your position. Try to briefly (in a sentence or two) outline why money does not define happiness. Post below.

I tried to do as you said. Doesn't "I will talk about" work in this context?

However, I don't particularly agree with that because I know many some people who are quite happy without being rich. To begin with, I will talk about a teacher I had at school whose life can exemplify that money doesn't always buy happiness.

 

[Tarheel]

But does "I will talk about" work?

I tried to do as you said. Doesn't "I will talk about" work in this context?

However, I don't particularly agree with that because I know many some people who are quite happy without being rich. To begin with, I will talk about a teacher I had at school whose life can exemplify that money doesn't always buy happiness.

I would prefer something other than "can exemplify".

 

[Anna232]

I would prefer something other than "can exemplify".

Could you tell me what you would use instead?

 

[Tarheel]

Try:

whose life demonstrated that....

People say money can't buy happiness, but I disagree. Money can buy carrot cake.

 

[Anna232]

Try:

whose life demonstrated that....

People say money can't buy happiness, but I disagree. Money can buy carrot cake.

And a chocolate cake

 

[Anna232]

Try:

whose life demonstrated that....

People say money can't buy happiness, but I disagree. Money can buy carrot cake.

But it is still not clear to me if "I will talk about" should be avoided in an essay.

 

[Tarheel]

I see nothing wrong with it. (Others may disagree.)

 

[teechar]

It's not wrong, but you don't actually need it. You have a limited amount of time, so you shouldn't waste it on fillers such as that one. The examiner may think you're weak and can't come up with a strong and convincing response.

 

[Tarheel]

Well, I haven't been reading columns by either Thomas Sowell or Walter Williams lately. (They both discontinued writing their columns for different reasons.) In any case, they never stated what they were going to say. They just said it

I suppose academic writing is different from what professionals do. For one thing, the readership is different. I still think it wouldn't hurt to read a few things written by professional writers.

 

[teechar]

I think I've figured out what you were looking for.

However, I don't particularly agree with that because I know many some people who are quite happy without being rich. To begin with, I will talk I'll give you an example. It's about a teacher I had at school whose life can exemplify demonstrates that money doesn't always buy happiness.

Does that answer your question?

 

[Anna232]

I think I've figured out what you were looking for.

Does that answer your question?

It does. Thank you so much!