Need help edit warning letter

Yueehs

Junior Member
Joined
May 2, 2020
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Malay
Home Country
Malaysia
Current Location
Singapore
Hi,
Can someone please help by editing this warning letter?

Dear Mr. Y,
Warning issued for following reason/s:
This notice shall serve as a warning letter for the negligence of the following matters:
On 2 Febuary 2021, you have forgotten to retract the rear stabilizer on vehicle GX8542F before driving on the road. That mistake caused the clevis of rear cylinder tube broken and support pins bend. You were reprimanded by Mr Teo, but instead of admitting the mistake, you were raising your voice, and repeatedly yell at him.

Your attitude is unacceptable.

The damage on the rear stabilizer resulted repair cost of $615.25.

Furthermore, on the same day, after you come back from ABC company for a remove bin job, we notice that you’ve didn’t lock the bin door properly. This is a dangerous mistake. The door may open and all wastage may spill over to other road vehicles.

This letter shall serve as your first warning from the company. If you continue to make the same mistake, the company shall reserve the rights to dismiss you immediately without further notice.
 

emsr2d2

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
Hi.
Can someone please help by editing this warning letter?

Dear Mr. Y,

[STRIKE]Warning issued for following reason/s:[/STRIKE] The same information is given in the next sentence.

This notice shall serve as a warning letter for [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] negligence, [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] due to the following: [STRIKE]matters:[/STRIKE]

On 2 February 2021, you [STRIKE]have forgotten[/STRIKE] failed/forgot to retract the rear stabilizer on vehicle GX8542F before driving the vehicle on the road. That mistake caused the clevis of the rear cylinder tube [STRIKE]broken[/STRIKE] to break and the support pins to bend.

You were reprimanded by Mr Teo no comma here but, instead of admitting [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] your mistake, you [STRIKE]were raising[/STRIKE] raised your voice no comma here and repeatedly yelled/shouted at him.

Your attitude is unacceptable.

The damage [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] to the rear stabilizer resulted in a repair cost of $615.25.

Furthermore, on the same day, after you [STRIKE]come[/STRIKE] came back from [STRIKE]ABC company[/STRIKE] [location] for a remove bin job, we noticed that [STRIKE]you’ve didn’t lock[/STRIKE] you hadn't locked the bin door properly. This is a dangerous mistake. The door [STRIKE]may[/STRIKE] could have opened and [STRIKE]all wastage may[/STRIKE] caused waste to spill [STRIKE]over to[/STRIKE] onto other road vehicles.

This letter [STRIKE]shall[/STRIKE] serves as your first warning. [STRIKE]from the company.[/STRIKE] If you [STRIKE]continue to[/STRIKE] make the same mistake again, the company [STRIKE]shall[/STRIKE] reserves the [STRIKE]rights[/STRIKE] right to dismiss you [STRIKE]immediately[/STRIKE] without [STRIKE]further[/STRIKE] notice.

Please see my corrections and suggested changes above. I don't understand the blue underlined part. I find "yelled" a little too informal for the tone of the letter. It's not clear at the end whether Mr Y will be dismissed if he fails to retract the rear stabiliser again, fails to close the bin door properly again, or shouts at Mr Teo again. If he will be dismissed if he does any one of those things again, that needs to be made clear.
 
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