Boris Tatarenko
Senior Member
- Joined
- May 6, 2013
- Member Type
- Student or Learner
- Native Language
- Russian
- Home Country
- Russian Federation
- Current Location
- Russian Federation
Hello.
I've just written a short story, but I think I've made several mistakes though I can't find them.
Would you mind checking it?
One early morning an unknown car arrived in Sunshine City. The weather was great as usual: the sun was shining and birds were singing. The driver of the strange car intentionally parked his vehicle outside the bank, which was one of the wealthiest banks of the town. As for the city, the life flowed in a usual way: children were hurrying to school while their parents were going to work. However, there were a lot of citizens who were still asleep. There was complete serenity and nobody expected any trouble.
The car stopped and two persons got out of it. They were Clive and Connie, who were elusive gangsters and well-known because of an enormous number of robberies. Moreover, the bandits were wanted in more than 11 states of the US. Doubtlessly, they came here because they wanted to rob this bank. Clive, who was a leader, looked around carefully and decided to walk slowly into the bank. He was wearing ordinary clothes. Sure, he didn’t want people to concentrate attention on him. When Clive was in the bank, he was still looking round carefully.
Suddenly, he pulled out a gun, which followed his master for the whole life, and people, who noticed it started yelling and trembling in fear. “Don’t move!” Clive shouted angrily several times. While the most elusive gangster was trying to silence these people, a woman who was extremely close to Clive burst out screaming as loudly as she could. In several minutes, the whole bank was silent and didn’t move at all except one person. It was a manager who hurried out from his office to look what was going on there. “What do you want?” the manager asked Clive in a brave way. “Give me all the money” Clive replied immediately in an aggressive way.
The bank manager, who certainly had a special plan, nodded several times and bent down to open the safe. Suddenly, he pressed an alarm bell button down the counter. The bell went off extremely loudly. Clive didn’t expect it and he was deafened by the bell. The professional gangster lost his head and he accidently shot at the manager three times. The brave man dropped dead and people, who were taken as hostages, started screaming and crying because of the fear. The two policemen rushed into the bank and suggested that Clive put down his weapon. Clive didn’t hesitate and he dropped his gun, pushed it away and lifted up his hands. The policemen arrested him immediately.
Connie, who was staying outside during the whole operation, was deeply frightened because she had never been in such situations. She knew that everything was over. She got into the car, switched on the engine and drove away as fast as possible. Eventually, the police didn’t catch her, but they were still looking for her. However, Connie decided to mend her ways, do away with this criminal lifestyle and start everything over.
Thanks in advance.
I've just written a short story, but I think I've made several mistakes though I can't find them.
Would you mind checking it?
One early morning an unknown car arrived in Sunshine City. The weather was great as usual: the sun was shining and birds were singing. The driver of the strange car intentionally parked his vehicle outside the bank, which was one of the wealthiest banks of the town. As for the city, the life flowed in a usual way: children were hurrying to school while their parents were going to work. However, there were a lot of citizens who were still asleep. There was complete serenity and nobody expected any trouble.
The car stopped and two persons got out of it. They were Clive and Connie, who were elusive gangsters and well-known because of an enormous number of robberies. Moreover, the bandits were wanted in more than 11 states of the US. Doubtlessly, they came here because they wanted to rob this bank. Clive, who was a leader, looked around carefully and decided to walk slowly into the bank. He was wearing ordinary clothes. Sure, he didn’t want people to concentrate attention on him. When Clive was in the bank, he was still looking round carefully.
Suddenly, he pulled out a gun, which followed his master for the whole life, and people, who noticed it started yelling and trembling in fear. “Don’t move!” Clive shouted angrily several times. While the most elusive gangster was trying to silence these people, a woman who was extremely close to Clive burst out screaming as loudly as she could. In several minutes, the whole bank was silent and didn’t move at all except one person. It was a manager who hurried out from his office to look what was going on there. “What do you want?” the manager asked Clive in a brave way. “Give me all the money” Clive replied immediately in an aggressive way.
The bank manager, who certainly had a special plan, nodded several times and bent down to open the safe. Suddenly, he pressed an alarm bell button down the counter. The bell went off extremely loudly. Clive didn’t expect it and he was deafened by the bell. The professional gangster lost his head and he accidently shot at the manager three times. The brave man dropped dead and people, who were taken as hostages, started screaming and crying because of the fear. The two policemen rushed into the bank and suggested that Clive put down his weapon. Clive didn’t hesitate and he dropped his gun, pushed it away and lifted up his hands. The policemen arrested him immediately.
Connie, who was staying outside during the whole operation, was deeply frightened because she had never been in such situations. She knew that everything was over. She got into the car, switched on the engine and drove away as fast as possible. Eventually, the police didn’t catch her, but they were still looking for her. However, Connie decided to mend her ways, do away with this criminal lifestyle and start everything over.
Thanks in advance.
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